Fallout
I don't know if this is even worth writing about, I haven't spoken to anyone about it because I know that it's pointless to discuss.
A friend of mine and I had this petty spat a week ago and we haven't spoken since then. She considers me her best friend but I've always thought otherwise. Although we've known each other since the 2nd grade, I figured that time alone is not really enough to consider me as one. It just so happened that I was one of the few friends who stayed, but looking at the bigger picture of things, and the authenticity of our friendship, I could say that I barely really knew her.
I was the best friend that never knew what was going on with her love life (if it really existed) because she always stressed that I wouldn't understand. I don't know how they define "best friend" in her planet but from where I am, I know best buds should always have first dibs on what's going on and what's going wrong--- I've always been left in the dark on those parts of her life, and that alone disqualifies me as a TB girlfriend.
To be honest, I've always wanted to be there for her, to be in the know, but she wouldn't let me. Yes, I knew about her struggles with family but half of the world knows about that. What makes me special if she can't be herself when she's with me?
She's changed a lot since we got out of college, and her behavior is something that I have yet to understand. From a simple Iskolar ng Bayan who rode the jeepney and ate at carinderias, she's now a corporate slaves who would never even take the jeepney even if her life depended on it, or eat anywhere cheap even if she's starving to death. I know she's trying to mask something but I couldn't put my finger on it. I can't stand the pride she has gained (?) through the years. I have tons of friends who were born and bred into old rich families and never have I experienced such arrogance from them. In fact they're much more of the opposite.
My tolerance for such could only go so far...
And that's where I snapped.
How many times do I have to remind her that she has more than enough of what she needs? How many times do I have to let her know that she should be content with what she has? She's more than blessed and she doesn't really see that. And I have always been in the sidelines seeing the silver lining on her every cloud. I am tired of being the friend who wants to assume the place of someone important in her life whom she takes for granted--- simply because I "wouldn't understand".
I am tired of trying and at the moment I am still uncertain if I really still want to try. I am currently numb from last week's argument. I don't know if I should say sorry, but I reckon that reminding her to keep herself grounded isn't something I should be sorry for. She may need me, but she's got a lot friends who know her more than I do and I don't want to be the fly on the wall waiting.
It's just timely that I have browsed upon Noemi Dado's blog entry on Michael Jackson's death. As quoted from a commenter on Lisa Marie's blog: "No matter how much you love someone, you cannot control them..."
So should I stop or stay?
I do miss her almost daily early morning text messages or weekend what-are-you-up-to's but I'm almost at the fallout of things so heaven help me cause I don't even know where to end or begin.
Labels: friendship, personal, relationships
Kaitlin posted at 9:14 AM
Links to this post:
<\$BlogItemBacklinkCreate\$>
1 Comments:
took me a while to decide whether i'm gonna leave a msg or not. you could say the only reason why i'm 'commenting' is bec i don't want you to think my silence and absence is brought about by that stupid spat over text.
hakuna matata.
you don't need to pretend no more. and though it might seem too late, i'm deeply sorry for everything.
Post a Comment
<< Home