Pretty Lunatic

All I want for Christmas is...

2009-12-19T17:34:00.004+08:00

So yeah, the fickle me had decided to switch again (for now) since the other blog that I have opened just seems so out of character. I have twisted ways and thoughts that I just couldn't put down on a white template for some reason, and I have been pressured to deliver so formally, which is soooo not me.

I went on MIA with some of my followers and had closed that white blog for good. I have imported my posted entries though which really isn't much since I have been busy either working, traveling or thinking of evil things.

Christmas is a couple of days away and I haven't even started my Christmas shopping yet (not for anyone at all). I figured that cash would be a better alternative for the godchildren, and might start doing my late xmas gift shopping after the new years. The yuletide rush is just terrible, people and traffic everywhere.

I haven't even thought of what to get myself this year. I know I have more than given myself a treat after I've gone on vacation a month ago but... Just but.

So here's my christmas list for 2009:

3EB Crimson Band Hoodie and stocking

Hot Topic gift card (yeah I've been there but never got myself anything and I feel stupid for not getting that Coraline shirt!)

Ballet Flats

Chuck Taylors Hi-tops

A 3eb concert in Manila again (Please, please, please! I missed you guys in SFO!)

Books

I think I've asked for the same things in the past, it's either I didn't get them or I want more. I just hope someone generous enough would give me any of these.

Goin' Home

2009-11-27T16:09:00.000+08:00

I'm killing time before I hit the showers to get dressed. They're driving me to the airport in an hour or so. *sigh* Back to the real world it is.

We had Thanksgiving dinner earlier in the evening and I was really happy to see most of my family together and happy. I was stuffed and the turkey was wonderful (I wasn't that fond of turkey but this one was good!)

It may take a while for me to see them again but I'm positive that I'll get a chance to breakaway from my normal routine and just lay back a bit in the future *fingers crossed*. My aunts are asleep for now, but they're all getting up early to take me to the airport and to go shopping afterwards (it's Black Friday, BOO!) I know, such a wrong time to leave, right? Time flies so fast here in the States, I can't figure it out. It just does.

Wish me luck on my trip back home. I hope I don't get left behind again, or get stuck at some airport just like what happened to me before I got here. I'm taking that pill to put me to sleep, whatever it is.

24 Days Later

2009-11-23T08:15:00.001+08:00

24 days, 5 states, skyrocketing credit card bills to pay, a gazillion restaurants tried, unstoppable weight gain and a big grin on my face.

That's how it has been 24 days later. Four more days to go and I'm heading back to the real world where the weather is way much warmer, streets dirtier and where ~~the in-law~~ majority of things are just annoying.

What have I been up to for the past so-so weeks? Here's a recap.

(Day 1) Like I said during my past entry, I had a blast for Halloween. Little did I know that it was mostly a welcome party for my arrival and the entire clan was there to greet me. It was so sweet of them to all come by. There was a lot of food, games and laughter. It was an awesome experience, really.

These are just some of my family members, there was more who came in their snazzy outfits. :p

(Day 7) A few days later, my Aunt and I drove to Baltimore City for a little bit of history. We visited The Edgar Allan Poe House and his grave at the Westminister Hall and Burying Ground at the University of Maryland School of Law.

Inside the Poe House on Amity Street.

Where EAP whas reburried.

The old tomb was originally at the back.

I've always been told to have that inner goth in me, and the dark and macabre has always fascinated me so it is indeed a dream come true to get first hand experience of his work and his life, not to mention visiting his graveyard after.

For less that $5 you get to tour the Poe House, get to see some of his works, his personal effects and a couple of strands of his hair.

Strands of hair from Mr. Poe and the Missus.

It might've been just me--- but there was something about the house that was just sooo gloomy, probably more than enough for him to write most of his greatest works in. If you happen to come to Baltimore soon, this is the place to go to!

(Days 8- 9) The day after mingling with the dead we left for Atlantic City, New Jersey for some food, gambling, hotel hopping and shopping. I've been to NJ a couple of times before but I've never been to Atlantic City. They showcase countless hotels, casinos and tons of outlet

Inside the Caesar's Palace

stores that would leave you broke 'til you're old and crusty if you don't get to restrain yourself on the spending. Definitely a girl's shopping haven, stores all a short walking distance from the hotel. We stayed at the Sheraton (I heart their pillows, they actually hug you back! I'm not crazy, you'll understand me once you get a chance to hug one!) which housed several of the

gowns that were used by several Miss America candidates dating back to the early 70's. We stayed there for the weekend and headed back to Baltimore after.

(Day 13 to 16) Next stop: San Francisco! (I know, we just never stop, Energizer bunnies we are, we just kept on going and going and going!) This one was something I didn't know about. My aunts planned this trip as a surprise for me since I've always expressed how I wanted so much to go to Frisco.

It was a Wednesday evening when I got the surprise. We were having dinner at Chick-Fil-A then, all stuffed with the chicken soup I was having when my aunt started to blurt out that I should start packing my stuff cause I was goin' home. I had this ??? on my face all along when everyone started saying that we were flying to SFO the following day at 7am. You should've seen the look on face, I was ecstatic! My greatest wish was a 3eb (they're based there) gig close by, if not in Frisco, but they were in San DIego then which was 8 hours away from SFO. My heart broke but, hey.

It takes 6 hours to fly from Balto to Cali, half the time of the travel, I was asleep of course. Imagine adjusting to different time zones every couple of days. It's a killer where everything else that your body does on routine have to adjust.

We stayed in Frisco for 4 days and stayed at the Radisson at the Fisherman's Wharf. Just like Atlantic City, everything else was pretty close by and accessible. I've been to L.A. before and I could say that SFO is sooo much better. I heart SFO. =) I actually left my heart there on purpose. LOL.

We went to the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose (this one is just quite peculiar as that

of the Poe House: ghosts, mystery, the # 13 and 160 rooms--- it was insane! Props to Eric, our

mansion tour guide for walking us through--- he was so funny!), took a day tour to Alcatraz

One of the solitary confinement cells of The Rock.

(main reason why I wanted to go, it was the coolest!), had a tour around the city and the Golden Gate Bridge on a double deck hop on- hop off,

Atop the double decker before leaving for a city tour.

Chinatown, evening strolls and dinners (Oh, and the clam chowder is to die for!) at the piers of Fisherman's Wharf,

Boudin sourdough bread and clam chowder to die for. =)

and several trips to Lombard Street (one of my favorites!) via a cable car even if it was only two blocks away from the hotel.

I heart Lombard Street! (A house here is on the top of my x-mas wishlist!)

We did find that Jollibee branch on Fourth Street and my Aunts were in heaven--- I gotta admit, the Chicken Joy tastes the same! And did a little shopping at the Union Square after.

Jollibee on Fourth Street.

We left SFO Sunday, and I just didn't want to. =(

(Day 17) The following day (yes, right after getting back from Frisco the evening before) they took me to Longwood Gardens at Kennett Square in Pennsylvania. I wasn't too late for leaf peeping after all. Main reason for my visit is to see the beauty of Autumn and nature didn't fail me. The colors of the leaves of the trees and the flowers were just breathtaking.

Purple mums' the word!

White cacti.

Topiaries that Edward Scissorhands might've made.

More flowers!

These mums were "trained" to grow in a shape of a sphere.

Outside the tree house.

Beautiful yellow leaves.

I heart red and orange leaves!

Everyone wanted me to extend a week to be in for Thanksgiving (But I leave on Black Friday --- Boo!) so here I am, wasting my 4 days away relaxing from the hectic schedule that had passed.

(Day 22) Last Saturday we took a day trip to New York to see Mary Poppins at the New Amsterdam Theater on Broadway. I've been to NY several times and had always dreamed of seeing a play on Broadway. This was my first time and I was in awe on how grand and magical the set and costumes of the play were. The actors and actresses were wonderful, nothing like I've ever seen in the islands before.

Inside the theater before the play started.

They don't really allow pictures to be taken but I did anyway, at least after the play was over and the actors and actresses took a bow. :p

Outside the New Amsterdam Theater after the play.

So that's how it has been in a nutshell for me (Man, this entry is loooooong!), aside from bonding with the rest of the family and pigging out on good food. Thanksgiving has yet to come. All in all, I had a mighty fine time, the 24 hour travel very much worth it. It may take a couple of years to come visit again but it has always been certain that each trip is special and definitely unforgettable. =)

What To Do?

2009-11-04T10:18:00.000+08:00

What do you do when a cute 18 year old american guy who you've seen as a boy hits on you? What do you say when he tells you he wants to kiss you? Seriously? What do you say? What do you do?

For a while temptation creeps in, and you let your guard off knowing that you're more or less making a fool out of yourself should you submit to your own demons. I don't even know why the possibility of it happening crossed my mind, I've never had any indecent proposals from anyone younger than me before, and I would have to confess that he's cute, his boyish looks and innocent eyes all gone.

It's hard to explain but compliments matter to married women. You know, some sorta ego boost, some sort of reminder and reality check on my womanhood, that I am more than eligible for some spice even if I'm out of the market. I don't know if you'd understand, it may sound wrong but I'm only human to misbehave at times, see? And I don't want to even make you think that I'm immoral but womanly insecurities could resourface once in a while, it's almost the same as what pregnant women feel: ugly and undesirable. It probably goes the same for married, unpregnant women.

I've been stuck with this thought the whole day now. Don't get me wrong, I've turned the request down as diplomatic and polite as I could and compromised for a kiss on a cheek before I leave but he said he wanted more than that.

Psh. Kids. Hormones--- his and mine. Hah!

Halloween '09

2009-11-03T13:25:00.000+08:00

It's 12:26 in the morning and I'm wide awake while the entire house is asleep. I have yet to adjust to their timezone. I've got TruTV and the internet as company.

My trip to Baltimore was crazy, my arrival being delayed for four hours. I had to rebook my flight and wait when I got to Chicago because I missed my original flight. I was literally running when I got to O'Hare cause the immigration line took forever and I had to take a train to get to my gate. It was too late when I got to my assigned gate though. I was technically traveling for over 24 hours and was I glad that I was asleep on most of my long trip. Otherwise, I would have been pulling my hair out in frustration. 15 hours from HK to Chicago is no joke. I had to thank turbulence for lulling me to sleep.

I was glad to have foreign speaking single serving friends since I had all the permission to ignore them and not try to make a conversation or be all nice and polite. By the time the domestic plane took off O'Hare I was literally dying for someone to talk to though. I just wanted to rant my head off. I ended up being seated beside an Indian guy who was asleep the entire time. We had small talk when we finally landed.

The following day was d-day since we all had to prep up for the evening Halloween party. I found a cool costume at Party City. I had a difficult time getting something that would suit me cause everything else that I wanted was either sold out or were available in broken sizes. Even so, there was a huge swarm of people doing last minute costume shopping.

Everyone came in a costume. We had a devil, a rocker, a biker dude, an emo guy, little red riding hood, a butterfly, a vampire, a cheerleader, a kitty, a greek goddess, Elvira, a pimp, bacon and eggs, a devil, a clown, a police, a maiden, a soldier, a mariner--- the list in long. I have yet to post and edit pics. All else is to follow.

It was fun, we took my lil cousins trick or treating before heading to the party. We had a lot of grub and games thereafter where Brandon, my step cousin, and I won the paper dance. ;D

All Packed

2009-10-30T01:10:00.000+08:00

This is it people. I'm all packed and ready to go. I haven't even left yet or switched time zones but I feel more than jet lagged. I'm revving up to get some good shut eye when the plane touches the sky. I'll be flying for approximately 22 hours (stopovers included) and the anxiety is just killing me.

I do hope I get a more interesting single serving friend (in reference to Fight Club) since I've been stuck with old Pinoy immigrants, if not American bigots for the past travels that I took. I booked my flight online so technically I would have to pick a seat when I get to the airport (and I do hope to find the UA counter in the HK airport on time since the place is just terribly huge and no one could even speak decent english to direct you to where you really wanna go).

This is me speaking in a zonked state. I've had only 4 hours of sleep since yesterday and I failed to get myself antihistamines that would lull me for the time being. If there's one thing I'm excited about though, it's me seeing red and orange trees again (Ain't that just nerdy or what?!).

So 'til I touch base again, my dear friends. I'll keep you posted. :D

Random

2009-10-15T10:09:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back from an almost month long hiatus. So much crazy things has happened since the last time I wrote. It's still raining outside, I hope it's nothing as serious as Ondoy's rage. I've lived in the islands all my life but I've never seen as much water as I did during that time. Spent two days without electricity and almost a week without bath water. Ewww. I know, so lets not go there.

Every instance of rain fall was more like an air raid that kept me awake the entire time. Last entry was about us moving to the new house and just like everyone else we got a taste of flood, alright. I might've jinxed our first day by my incessant ranting but I don't think my keeping mum would've stopped it either. We weren't expecting water but it came, and it was gross. There was so much to clean and to get rid of after. But I'm just glad that my family and everyone else that I know and love are safe regardless. I could live with murky water but never with a loved one's loss.

It's just ironic that we get so much flood after the fire early this year. I have now proven that I am unbreakable. So if any other type of destructive element would come my way, I say bring it! :D

Bora week was supposed to be the weekend of Ondoy's wrath which we deliberately missed since we thought it wasn't worth gambling for. We knew there wouldn't have been any sun so we decided to ditch Boracay. So yeah, I'm still a Bora virgin. (I know! How much of a loser can I ever get?) Maybe next time. The Bora funds ended up liquidated the week after. Got ourselves a new TV and DVD player so it wasn't so bad after all--- never been a couch potato but I reckon it's much better than having pursued the Bora trip and being disappointed due to the bad weather--- and yes, I am saying this to console myself.

I made a visit to a cardiologist yesterday. I've been experiencing a lot of palpitation lately and it has been very uncomfortable. My ECG reading shows that my heart does beat faster than normal but it doesn't seem to be anything serious yet. They took blood samples from me to see if it was my thyroid that had a problem since my heart seems healthy. For the meantime the doctor has prescribed meds for my heartbeat to slow down but I still have to come back for my lab test results.

My vacay's less than two weeks away. I'm just glad that I'm finally getting some R&R. This year has been a tough one and I'm glad that there is something good to look forward to as it comes to a close. My trip may just be 3 weeks short but it's still me time.

My supposed halloween project is a major fail. I have scoured Divisoria for the right fabric but it was all in vain. I might do a repeat on last year's award- winning (OK, I'm exaggerating!) outfit or get myself a new one when I get there. We'll see. I'll try to keep everyone posted. :)

Movin'

2009-09-25T20:22:00.000+08:00

This is it. We're movin' out and movin' in.

The ambivalence is just killing me. For months now my li'l family of 4 have squatted at my folks' place homeless and almost hopeless. Now that the new house is done and almost fully furnished, we're ready to move in. I have yearned for my old life and freedom away from my mom's watchful eyes for the first few months of my stay with her. I felt like a kid being told of what should and shouldn't be done and I hated it. It seems that once again, I've bitten more than I could chew. I am sooo not ready to leave my comfort zone.

I haven't even started packing yet (not for moving in and not even for Sunday's Bora trip), there's so much of my personal effects that I wan to take with me. So much to do, so little time ~~and a lot of laziness in between.~~ Today my sister, my mom and I bought a ton of pillows, bed sheets and towels for the new house. We need a lot of those. My fixation for fresh sheets may somehow be bordering OCD but hey, who doesn't like 'em fresh? Anyhow, I had fun bonding with the brat and the mum. It'll take a while for us to that again after I move out.

I haven't even seen the bed and the closet that was delivered a few days back and I am slowly starting to psych myself into believing that I should be excited about the new-and-not-so-new environment. (A brief background for those who missed out on the scoop: My in-laws' home was burned to the ground back in January. We've moved in at my folks' place since then. A new house was built and is now ready for inhabitants.)

I have to admit that I've had my share of complaints and rants about being under my mom's rules and and my sister's sometimes- annoying ways but nothing beats being with family. Don't get me wrong. My in-laws are nice and barely there (mom-in-law's in Chicago and dad-in-law is always away for business) but the thought of ~~not being able to walk around the house in my underwear~~ missing out on the latest on mom's social activities and my sister's incessant yakking just makes me sad (even if it annoys the hell out of me when I want some quiet time).

Gah! Maybe I am over reacting. Mum's is less than 10 minutes away--- but still.

Kyan's 5th

2009-09-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

My son turned 5 today. I watched in marvel as I put him to sleep this evening. Not too long ago, I held this fragile little thing of 1.2 kg with one hand, in awe and wonder on how tiny he was. He was born two months short and had to stay incubated til his full term. I had to wait 2 full months before I could finally take him home. I remember the painstaking visits I took to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) just to watch how he slept inside that glass box, wondering when I could finally hold him in my arms. He had needles on him and a tube in his mouth down to his stomach because he was too young to suck and feed on his own.

To sum things up, he had incredible responses to his treatments and a few weeks before Christmas we were able to take him home. Things have been wonderful since then, my little miracle growing ever so healthy, happy and brilliant.

For his 5th birthday he asked for a Ben 10 watch. Little did I know that the watch that he wanted was not the one that gave the time. (Yeah, I am getting old.) Instead, it glowed green and made funny alien sounds. I'd have to say that this toy was rather expensive for it's lame features and it took me a lot of deliberation and friends' coaxing to buy it. You can't help but be practical sometimes, especially when you're a mom. I knew that Ben 10, just like the Transformers was a phase and soon those tiny green pieces that are a part of the watch would be thrown and misplaced in oblivion just like the rest of the toys.

My inhibitions were washed away after he got his gift though. He had this big grin on his face and that alone was priceless. The toy was worth it after all and I do hope that he doesn't get tired of it too easily.

We have yet to celebrate his birthday in school next Friday and to answer your question, yes, he's getting a Ben 10 cake.

When I Was 13

2009-09-07T16:20:00.000+08:00

The rain has kept me indoors for the entirety of my US Labor Day weekend which just really sucks---somewhat. For the entire three days I have been stuck in bed sleeping, and it doesn't even help that I have been eating in between those cat naps. I bet my waistline has grown more than an inch since Saturday.

There was so much I had planned for my long weekend, that being getting the new bed (we finally found the perfect bed, huzzah) and closet delivered, buying pillows, having the new room's window's screens attached and renewing my passport (which was supposed to be today, except that the government had to make every dying person's burial in the islands a special holiday which made my long weekend useless). Hmpft. I just really had to rant about that one. I am so sore about other people abusing someone else's power for their own evil intentions. Gah!

The erratic downpour didn't help either so everything had to be canceled for the meantime. It's almost 5pm and I'm still stuck wearing the shirt I slept in last night (pardon the grossness, I did take a shower before going to bed last night if it's any consolation).

I took a chance on a NBS sale on my way home from work Friday night. I found this and have been on if I wasn't asleep, that is. Heeh.

It's basically about a 13 year old girl who learns how to read (thru stealing some books, thus the title) amidst the chaos of the Holocaust. There really is more to it than just the protagonist learning how to read thru the efforts of her equally literate challenged foster father but I would have to say that the first few parts of the book, where she painstakingly learns how to read in the wee hours of the morning side by side her tired father just hits the spot.

I'm barely halfway thru since I've been dozing half the time but I do commend Zusak's writing style and how the author chose Death to be the narrator of the story. And no, it's nothing like Anne Frank.

Aside from sleeping and the book read in between, I have been constantly online going through Style Rookie, a blog by a 13 year old girl named Tavi. She's just made of awesome and neither does she sound like a whiny kid blooming out of puberty. You'd be amused by her fashion and her two cents on things. It's almost unbelievable how good she writes. Hats off, seriously.

Reading fragmented life stories from two very different teenage points of view got me thinking: What did I do when I was 13? I can barely remember. It was a far cry from these two kiddies, that's for sure. Nothing complicated, and very much fortunate compared to those born during the time of Nazi Germany, and definitely nothing as fashunable as Tavi's.

All I know is that it was my first year of high school and I had a big crush on my now husband, who had to transfer to a science school because he thought he was just too smart for an ordinary school. Har har. The hubby would kill me for this.

Yes, boring as toast. Let me look it up in the crevices of my now dilapidated memory box. I know I kept a diary, in fact I kept tons. I think I have at least 6 full notebooks of lame puberty angst. Let me check on that and get back with you.

How was life when you were 13? Spill!

Happy Streak

2009-09-05T21:40:00.000+08:00

I've been pretty busy lately. Work has been intense and productive for the past week and all is good knowing that I'm with my old team again. It feels so much like home, and I am somewhat more eager to work. Being with people you enjoy the company of truly works wonders. Everything's a breath of fresh air since Monday and I do hope that I don't lose this happy streak.

I was out of the office Tuesday and a couple of people were congratulating me when I got back the next day. Everyone was telling me that I had an award, which I missed receiving since award giving was launched the day before. Apparently, I was given recognition for that R&R project my boss had me do for other people, not knowing all along that I was one of the awardees.

I feel as if I don't really deserve the award as much as everyone else who got it though. Either that or I'm just being too hard on myself again. There's some weird pressure on me knowing that everyone's counting on me and watching what I do since there was so much red tape , a lot of coaxing, meetings, compromise I had to go thru just to get things into order again.

I'll savor all I can since the moment is here. I'm just glad that things are finally in place once more, and now I can move on after that sudden interruption I had with my work life.

How 'bout this for Halloween?

2009-08-29T12:31:00.000+08:00

I leave for the US on October 30th, a day before Halloween. I was told that my relatives will be throwing a costume welcome party for me when I get there. I've never been to an authentic, all- American Halloween party ever and I figured that I need to come up with something awesome for the said occasion.

I chanced upon this site after browsing and doing a little research for the perfect costume. Tim Burton's characters have always been the best way to go for dress up parties. You can never go wrong with a goth/shady impersonation on Halloween. Last year's courtesan/ vampire costume was a success (I actually bagged best costume for it, together with a colleague who dressed as The Joker) and I would want to do it again. Everyone thought I was doing Sweeney Todd's Mrs. Lovett and I believe that I gave a fair representation of her primary red and black dress.

I decided that I should dwell on much effort for this year's costume. It would be my first authentic Halloween costume after all. After going through the roster of costume ideas, I fell in love with Sleepy Hollow's Katrina Van Tassel. I have always been a big fan of the Victorian and Georgian era. Long dress trains, petticoats, corsets, stockings, bloomers, boots, long cascading hair and a lot of cleavage. I bet I'd look good in this one, less the cleavage. LMAO. I just hope the striped pattern wouldn't make me look fat. It's not as intricate as most of the gowns showcased on the site but I bet it would stand out perfectly.

Mom says that I would need at least 5 yards of fabric to achieve this look but heck, I'm all for it. My sister has a lot of cosplaying friends who could surely recommend a seamstress who could sew this number for me. I sooo need to schedule a Divisoria trip soon. Better find the perfect fabric for this fab gown and just worry about the hair color later. Two months would probably more than enough to achieve the look.

I'm excited all of a sudden. I was initially pessimistic about dressing up since I didn't know what or who to dress up as. But since everyone's going through the trouble of throwing a party for me, not to mention dressing up for the occasion, might as well bring out the big guns and play fair. Heeh. Can't wait!

Flower Child

2009-08-23T16:08:00.000+08:00

I've always been attracted to colorful, floral prints. I bet I'd have a room full of clothes if I were born in the 60's. For sure I'd make a pretty stylish hippie minus the weed. Heeh. Anyhow, I found this lovely floral dress in one of the thrift stores I frequent a few weeks back. The girls at work went crazy over this piece because it looked good as new. I love how the print seemed to be hand painted with water color on the cloth. How much? Php. 55.00 (approximately $1.10). Ain't this a great steal or what?!

There's just so much pretty stuff that I find for less. People at work are always in great disbelief after I tell them how much I get my ukay clothes for. And I have to admit that going thru a ton of old clothes and searching for the right piece could be very de-stressing. Some of my friends even ask me to shop for them. All the compliments I get for my cheap clothes got me thinking of creating an online thrift shop as well. I see that there is a big market for vintage and second hand clothes. I have yet to see if things would be feasible for me though. I still need to figure out how to stretch that remaining time I have for my family and myself since the bigger portion of my time is being eaten away by work.

I've voiced my plan out and a lot of people had volunteered to help. I just don't know if I would have enough time to maintain and supervise everything. I do need the extra income though. You can never have enough mad money, you know?

Ticket To Ride

2009-08-16T12:35:00.000+08:00

I'm finally booked for the trip that I have been planning and postponing for almost 3 years! Found a better rate from Expedia.com yesterday. Saved me at least $200 compared to the prices I got from the local travel agents I called.

I am so looking forward to my fall visit. It has been 6 years since I've seen red and orange trees. The other visits fell on other seasons and I've always longed for the colorful, windy autumn.

Leaf peeping is one of the best things to do on such seasonal visit. Seeing the beauty and vivid colors of the trees is just one of the best reminders of God's greatness. I could sit in a moving car and watch the leaves drift by the windshield for hours. I can't wait to take tons of pictures!

The break I have longed for is finally materializing before my eyes. Oh, which reminds me, I haven't renewed my passport! LOL. Finally found a reason to do so. My lazy bones have always been against doing tasks that would require me to visit government offices. There's just so much red tape going on... But then that would be another entry altogether. Heeh.

Lady Gaga Live in Manila

2009-08-15T12:40:00.000+08:00

I've never been a Lady Gaga fan. Not til I had to endure listening to my sister's LG playlist over and over for more than two weeks. First few times I heard her music, I thought it was Gwen Stefani playing. After a while I thought she was a Madonna wannabe. At work everyone was raving about her and her fashion.

Big deal, I thought.

It was only recently that her song Just Dance grew on me. I looked her up on Wikipedia, being the nerd that I was, to see what the fuss was all about. After finding out that she was set to join Juilliard during her early years, I figured that this was a musician to watch out for. I have to confess that I have been impressed by the Juilliard credential.

So after convincing myself that I need to give myself a break, half skeptical to see a dance concert (and after being peer- pressured into watching), my friends and I got ourselves tickets to see her perform at the Araneta.

Last Tuesday was a red letter day for the 6 (+2) of us. We went to the venue straight from work, barely weary of the long night ahead (we had work the next day). After grabbing a bite at Gateway, my friends and I (joined by my mom and lil sister) found ourselves lined up inside the Araneta, anxious and sweaty from the heat that generated from everyone else that was in the lobby waiting. The line was already long at 6pm. There were a couple of dress to kill ladies, some even clad in their Lady Gaga costumes (yes, they had big, platinum blonde hair too).

We got seated around half past 6 and waited 'til around 9 for the concert to start. The Araneta was jam packed and the concert was undeniably sold out. People were crammed up everywhere, some even camping on the steps just to get a good view of the stage.

Pedicab was LG's front act. I know. Why them? They sucked. They could've gotten a better band. I wish they did, seriously. All I heard from the band was a couple of synthesizers and a lot of gibberish. It didn't help that the vocalist danced like crazy. Everyone was delighted to hear them end the last bit of their (insert # of songs here) song set.

Lady Gaga started the crowd going with Paparazzi. The crowd went wild as she stood on her little platform while her dancers pranced around.

The sound system wasn't as great as the last concert I watched at the Araneta though. I'm not sure if it was because it was a low budget concert or because we were seated at the wrong place. The stage wasn't as appealing but her costumes and her bubble piano compensated for the lack thereof.

The other songs she sang were (in order):

Love Game
Dirty Rich
The Fame
Money Honey
Boys, Boys, Boys
Just Dance
Eh, Eh
Brown Eyes
Poker Face (She started off with the piano version and ended it with the album version)

Oh, did I mention that she wore a thong in two of her numbers? We were all awed by her tight butt shaking to the music. ;D I gotta give it to her. It's not easy to dance around with a wedgie and 5 inch stilts.

I liked the idea of LG speaking to the crowd during intervals. She even mentioned that her best friend was a Filipino, which made the concert extra special to her. Before her bit on Brown Eyes, she said: "Someone asked me if I have a dick and I said I do." (Only to find out the next day that there was a rumor going on about her being a hermaphrodite. I have yet to confirm that, though. She could've been bluffing when she said that she had one.)

She even said that she prays in thanks every night for the people that have supported her music. LG struck me as a humble musician more than anything after she said that. I mean, I don't think a primadonna would even openly admit something like this to a large crowd, not even just for the heck of it.

Yes, yes, I was officially a fan.

Everyone was happy and singing in tune. The concert ended after her 10th song. The crowd begged for more but it was really over. After she and her dancers and the band made their final bow, everyone else was on their feet, heading to the nearest exit.

I wish there was more than an hour's worth of singing and dancing but of course I had to understand that she's just released her debut album so there wasn't really a take two after she made her curtain call.

Such a great voice for a tiny lady. For sure, she'll be back after this. I'll save up for better seats next time around.

Almost Home

2009-08-14T19:32:00.000+08:00

Finally, some me time.

The past two weeks have been pretty busy and overwhelming. The "project" that I have been tasked to do is almost out. I saw the layout yesterday. Can't wait for it to get published. I just don't think I could go on with only 2 writers. I need more.

So much has happened since I switched teams. And just like I figured, the manager for the team that I joined was bad news. By the first week of June she has undergone a ton of unscheduled leaves that lasted for weeks. By the first of August an email was sent out saying that she has officially resigned. I could bet my month's worth of pay that she didn't resign. She was more likely to have been thrown out.

Now that's where things got messy.

To keep the long story short, upper management had decided to move us, me and the others who had joined the hybrid team to return to the other part of the department that we have originated from. Now, that meant going back to the a sucky schedule, something that everyone didn't want to go through, something that I have traded the team I love so dearly for.

Last Thursday, one of the big bosses and I met up with the intent to discuss "the project" he had me lead. Before the meeting ended, he said: "Don't tell anyone that I asked you but I would like to keep you for my team. What would you feel if I placed you in Della's team?" (Della was one of the team managers for his shift).

This time I figured I had to speak up. I didn't want to make another drastic decision that I would be regretting again. I told him that my former team manager spoke with me just the day before, asking me if she could request for me to be reassigned to her team once again since we were being dispersed anyway. She said that she needed my help to get her team together. I was more than willing to go back despite the "sabotaging" she did just to get me back the first time. I sorely missed my friends and I figured that the best way to get it my way is to somewhat veto all the bosses decisions (since my new team assignment would really be up to them to begin with) by expressing that I want to be sent back to my old team.

I was delighted to hear that he understood. He simply said: "Ah, yes, Marl (former TM) needs you. Sige, bahala na." I gave him a deal. Since "the project" was exclusive to his teams only, I told him that I would continually head his project even if I didn't belong to his shift anymore. Hey, you gotta compromise somewhere, see?

Wednesday afternoon, my former TM's boss (Boss #2) (now this is another boss altogether) talked to me. She asked me how I felt about the entire ordeal (being moved from one team to another, being reassigned to my old team). I told her that I was okay (cause the rest weren't, and I wasn't lying when I said that I was okay). She asked me what I would feel if I were reassigned to Marl's team. Just like the first instance with boss # 1 I had to explain what transpired between me, Marl and boss #1 and his say about wanting to keep me within his shift.

She asked me what I wanted. I told her that I just simply wanted a "normal life". I expressed the distraught that I had over the months with the new team they had me join. I told her that I wasn't sure why Marl said she needed my "help" since her team was doing fine without me but I was more than willing to do what I can to keep the team together. Boss # 2 then explained (modesty aside) that I was the team player Marl's team needed. She said that I was independent and I wasn't the type to be watched or guided all the time. She said that I could get the message across candidly without having to be offensive to anyone and yet have things set straight. She said "You could tell them that a spade is a spade without them having to doubt what you say because they respect you and they need that."

I was speechless. Of course then and there I felt that I was worth something. She said that the other managers wanted me as well so she wanted to hear what I had to say before she and the other two bosses discuss which person goes to what team. She said she would try to have it her way since I came from her shift to begin with.

Since everything was just too overwhelming, I ended up saying "Own me!!!", forgetting that I was talking to my boss' boss. She laughed with me and said that it was a deal. Yesterday an official email was sent out showing the roster of team assignments that would take effect next month. As expected, I got what I exactly wanted.

I just realized that there's so much to look forward to. A couple of trips out of town and out of the country, my project's release and being with my old team FTW. I thank my lucky stars for finally getting everything sorted out. 3 more weeks to wait out. I'm almost, almost home. :)

Goodbye and Thank You

2009-08-05T20:19:00.000+08:00

I'm an 80's baby. 1982 to be exact. Born at the peak of crazy hair styles, colorful shoulder padded clothes and wonderful music. I was only 4 years old when the Edsa revolution came about. I was too young to understand, too young to attend Ninoy Aquino's funeral, too young to vote.

A gazillion years later, the older, more capable and much wiser me is glued to the tube for Cory's funeral. I could've been there if not for work. I could have been a part of something as fulfilling and as remarkable as paying my last respects to someone who have saved me and many others to the confines of martial law. I was too young to understand then, but I know better now.

Today was yellow shirt day at work. That was the least that we could do to be one with the nation. We'd go to the break room once in a while to check on what's going on, the huge LCD screen glued to the funeral's live feed on channel 2. Kris' eulogy was heart breaking, the songs sung in church were moving. The 4 honor guards that rode the hearse for 9 hours were admirable. Some of the politicians that were present at the private burial were despicable (I'm not stupid not to know that most of them have their own hidden agendas to begin with!) And I would just have to say that a little decency would be appreciated at a time of mourning.

But I digress.

The entire ordeal has made me reflective on what I have done or what I can do as a Filipino. I hope someday I could be a part of something important as this.

The sky has been weeping endlessly for Mrs. Aquino's death. Although she will be missed entirely, her efforts of making our country a better place to live in will linger in our hearts and minds for eternity.

To A Tee

2009-08-02T17:37:00.000+08:00

I have always been a sucker for worded tees. The more radical the statement, the better. From local brands like Artworks, Happy Days and Bayo to imported brands like Guess, Ruby Gloom, David and Goliath, Hot Topic etc. I've had shirts that said things like: Naughty Girl, Department of Mental Health Patient, Nice Thingy, Spoiled, Mayhem, One Tough Cookie, etc, etc.

I've lost my small worded tee collection to the fire months back though. I've tried to swore myself into keeping away from worded tees cause I figured that I'm just too old to wear things that said obscenities and some other words that may sound offensive to other people. I just couldn't outgrow them though. You'd have to tie me to a post or blind me even just to keep me away from the attraction I have for statement shirts.

I found this moss green shirt in a thrift store a couple of days ago. I had to stifle a chuckle as I read the words printed in the front. I've never had a shirt that was obscene and as forward as the word "fuck" before. My mom would probably scold the 27-year-old me if she sees me sporting the shirt just because. But the print in the back sealed the deal for me and I just couldn't let it go. The shirt was in very good condition and it fitted me to a T. It's length was just a few inches above my knee and I figured that it would look good with a pair of black skinny jeans or tights. It was a steal. I had a brand new shirt for only Php 150.00 (approximately USD 3.50)!

This'll probably be a malling or movie shirt though. I know I can't wear it with the elders around. For sure I'll get a good spanking for that!

'Til Chill Time

2009-07-25T16:40:00.000+08:00

The hubby and I just got back from a trip to the hypermart a couple of hours ago and stumbled upon some really good finds at Booksale. They were on sale (How redundant is that--- and how cheap can the books get, right?) and I have to say that it was overwhelming. Most of the books out today were all in mint condition and would pass as brand new even for the picky bookworm's eye.

I'm a mystery buff more than anything so I snagged 3 (technically 5 since the one by Sue Grafton was a compilation of 3 of her novels) good as new hard bound mystery books to read for only Php. 125.00 each. That's 3 hard bound books for the price of one lousy, brand new trade paperback novel.

I have my books to read but I'm not entitled to a relaxing weekend just yet. :( 'Til then I would have to ogle and breeze thru the pages 'til I am allowed my chill time.

Weekend Wreck

2009-07-25T08:36:00.000+08:00

Today feels like college all over again--- only worse.

One of the big bosses met up with me and appointed me to be the EIC of this upcoming R & R project at work Thursday morning. For several times I asked him how he knew that I used to write but he just gave me this big smile back every time I asked. We discussed matters for over an hour and butterflies raved in my stomach the entire time. He said that he wants me to rise and be recognized when I told him that I was happy where I was. He said that they saw a lot of potential in me and that I have yet to show more of what I am capable of doing incase I change my mind about wanting to move up in the future.

I tugged on my jacket's big green button the entire time. I knew I was ambivalent about the task. A part of me wants it more than anything and a part of me just doesn't. Of course I want the recognition, I was more than honored to be chosen to spearhead the project but taking responsibility for everything just kills me. I have enough matters to think of at home and extra work aside from work, would be over doing it--- I think.

I haven't written in a while, and I know that I'm worse than rusty. I've got a deadline to beat on Thursday and I'm all blank. I'm just glad that I have found several people who were interested to work with me. And this is only the first month of the eternity I would be spending editing and writing stuff that should be delivered at the end of every month.

I'm just really anxious to get the first issue published. That's only when I could rest my weary mind. But just like any other home tv shopping ad: "But wait, there's more!" , the project calls for a Townhall meeting in which I would have to present the newsletter in front of a whole bunch of people. I hate--- no, that's too subtle, I resent speaking in front of a large group of people. I would rather die an ugly death than do that. Anything, anything but that!

I'm a wreck and I haven't even started yet. My lucky stars are doing the right thing but heaven, or whoever's up there, help me, please!

Pretty Lunatic Has Moved

2009-07-19T16:44:00.005+08:00

Please leave a message if you would want to link me up with my new blog address. Thanks!

Unsent

2009-07-19T08:45:00.000+08:00

Hey, you!

It's been a while. Just thought I'd say hi. I'd be a fool to deny that you haven't crossed my mind. Truthfully, you're always in it. How's your mom and dad? Your brother? Lil Dozer? Hope they're all doing fine.

Last night I tried to find you on FB but found a photo of you instead. I don't mean to sound stalker- like, I just thought I'd try to look you up. And just as I expected, you're still anti- social, well somewhat. :p Kidding!

Now correct me if I'm wrong but did you really tie the knot already? Now, if it is indeed true, why didn't you tell me? I hope it was something decent, and not some shotgun wedding in some Vegas strip chapel! :p She deserves more than that, you know! LOL

I'm glad that you found someone that would finally treat you right just like I used to wish. Someone who would spend lazy Saturdays with you, or share a suit with you up in Vegas. Someone whom Dozer could finally call mom. Someone who'd use your last name legally. :D

She must be really special, and I would have to stress that she is indeed lucky to have you. I'm happy that you're finally happy, and at least got hitched before you turn 30 just like you always wanted.

Now if you need someone to talk to about anything--- just like any other married couple would, I'd always be here to listen.

Take care and again, best wishes!

Boot Camp

2009-07-12T17:44:00.000+08:00

I've always been a thrift junkie. Since ukay stores (thrift stores) have sprung about several years back, I've always tried to pry and see what good stuff I could find for much affordable costs. If you think about it, I'm the least to be thought of to scour for dusty, old clothes. My patience has not been built for that kind of scavenging. One try to get a good find is enough to get yourself hooked though.

I have been on the ukay hunt for several years now. The challenge has always been to find something that you like that would actually fit you (finding the right size is a must, of course!) and suit your needs. It's also nice to see blogs such as Ukay Manila and The Ukay Queen showcase great finds at thift stores. Blogs like these fuel my desire to search for more clothes that would complete my malnourished wardrobe.

Lately I've been trying to find jackets and boots for a trip to the east coast by the end of the year. I figured that the best place to find warm clothes for affordable prices would be in thrift stores or ukay- ukays that have been plaguing the metro for some time now.

I found a pair of caramel colored, soft leather boots that would really go well with cold weather and a lot of walking (that's all we do in NY) on my way home from work last Friday. I had no intention of even going on an ukay hunt that time but it was raining and I didn't have an umbrella with me so I had to find some sorta shelter to keep me dry for the meantime. (Yeah, yeah, excuses, excuses!)

The thrift store I sought shelter from the rain was the one that I always frequented for bargains. They were on sale that time because a new set of ukay was to arrive next week. At first I had second thoughts on the boots. The price tag said the pair was at Php 380. I thought it was too expensive (esp. because it was an unscheduled ukay visit and was sure that it was a pair that I would barely get to use anywhere in the islands since it didn't suit the weather much) and was still reluctant on buying second hand shoes. I've never bought ukay shoes before, see.

What the heck? I thought.

I tried a boot on. I was wearing socks so I wasn't scared about getting inflicted with some rare feet disease or something. The boot was a size bigger than my tiny foot. My heart sank. It looked sooo good with my skinny jeans, I bet it would look good with my hoodie that had the same shade as the boot.

I wasn't satisfied with just one shoe so I asked for the pair. As the manong handed me the other boot (I just had to ask again), I asked how much the boots were being sold for. I figured that I better start to open up for haggling. I even asked him if he remembered me from my frequent visits to the store. He said he remembers cause I pass by almost everyday (the store was close by the terminal I take to get home). He looked at the boots and took the price tag off. Then he said: "250 nalang sa'yo."

The other customer who was trying on a pair of kitten- heeled pumps didn't help much because she talked me into buying the pair. She said that the boots suited me fine and that she would buy a pair herself if she weren't too tall.

I was completely sold! It was barely drizzling when I walked out of the store. I still wondered if I could make the boots fit me fine while walking towards the terminal but I figured that a pair of shoe insoles would do the trick. Either way, I am all psyched to use my new pair of boots!

This purchase made me crave for more great ukay finds. I'm actually trying to schedule a trip to the infamous ukay- ukays of Carriedo (or is it Quiapo?) soon. I am sooo up to the challenge of finding another cute pair of boots, plus another jacket or two. :D

Break

2009-07-11T14:02:00.000+08:00

I need a break. The past two weeks has been hell and I'm not exaggerating. The other two trips planned will not happen til the last quarter of the year so I figured that I should find something that would keep me in Manila and entertained at the same time.

I've only been to several concerts in my lifetime and most of them are rock, if not alternative band concerts. For a change, I've decided to tag along with some of my girls to see Lady Gaga's concert next month. After hearing my sister play her songs over and over, I've learned to like her upbeat tunes.

So yesterday, I dropped by G4 to get me and my friends a couple of tickets (the others got theirs on their own) and at the moment I believe there will be 7 of us. I can't wait!

Last weeks "issues" at work was just too much to handle and I swear that I was on the verge of an anxiety attack as the week closed in. I'm just glad (not sure, actually, but keeping my fingers crossed) that everything's over and will be back to normal on Monday.

I am sooo looking forward to this scheduled break in a couple of weeks but 'til then I would have to sit things out and wait.

Goodbye, Peter Pan

2009-07-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

I think I'm coming down with something again. I remember blogging about being sick two weeks back. The only difference between two weeks ago and today is that I'm no longer paranoid of dying or being a part of the N1H1 statistic.

I've noticed that there are only 2 constant topics on local news lately, that being the Swine Flu and Michael Jackson's death. Personally though, I'd rather write about the latter.

It was that Friday morning last week when I found about Michael Jackson's demise. I was headed to the break room for my hot choco morning fix then. A flock of people were glued to the LCD screen, all quiet and sullen. The headline on CNN caught my attention. During that time though, there was still speculation about MJ's death since he hasn't been wheeled out of his apartment yet. It was easy to shrug it off since the validity of the headline was still in question until after a few moments into the program they have declared him dead.

I froze from where I stood, forgot about my fix and walked back to my station to tell the others. During that moment I didn't want to hear anymore and had tried to absorb what I have seen and heard.

I believe that I will have that moment retained in my head 'til I'm all old and crusty, just like the time of the 9/11 bombing and Princess Diana's death.

I've never really been a huge, huge fan, but I'm fan nonetheless. I remember having his Dangerous album (then on cassette) which I have played a few dozen times on my My First Sony radio back in the day. I still have that cassette tape with me, all dusty but definitely still in tact.

I found myself importing songs from his History double disk album to my iPod the day after his death. It saddens me that I will never get the chance to see him live ever, and how ironic it is that he's gone after I could have afforded to do so.

It's tragic that he has died without redeeming himself amidst all the controversy that had surfaced throughout his lifetime. He's a man misunderstood--- that's what he is. I don't care if he's gay, straight, black, white or a prescription junkie even. The man's got talent and that's something you can never, ever deny him of. He has made his mark in the music industry and he should always, always be respected for that.

Peter Pan has gone to his Neverland now. For the last time, let's leave him in peace.

Fallout

2009-06-28T09:14:00.000+08:00

I don't know if this is even worth writing about, I haven't spoken to anyone about it because I know that it's pointless to discuss.

A friend of mine and I had this petty spat a week ago and we haven't spoken since then. She considers me her best friend but I've always thought otherwise. Although we've known each other since the 2nd grade, I figured that time alone is not really enough to consider me as one. It just so happened that I was one of the few friends who stayed, but looking at the bigger picture of things, and the authenticity of our friendship, I could say that I barely really knew her.

I was the best friend that never knew what was going on with her love life (if it really existed) because she always stressed that I wouldn't understand. I don't know how they define "best friend" in her planet but from where I am, I know best buds should always have first dibs on what's going on and what's going wrong--- I've always been left in the dark on those parts of her life, and that alone disqualifies me as a TB girlfriend.

To be honest, I've always wanted to be there for her, to be in the know, but she wouldn't let me. Yes, I knew about her struggles with family but half of the world knows about that. What makes me special if she can't be herself when she's with me?

She's changed a lot since we got out of college, and her behavior is something that I have yet to understand. From a simple Iskolar ng Bayan who rode the jeepney and ate at carinderias, she's now a corporate slaves who would never even take the jeepney even if her life depended on it, or eat anywhere cheap even if she's starving to death. I know she's trying to mask something but I couldn't put my finger on it. I can't stand the pride she has gained (?) through the years. I have tons of friends who were born and bred into old rich families and never have I experienced such arrogance from them. In fact they're much more of the opposite.

My tolerance for such could only go so far...

And that's where I snapped.

How many times do I have to remind her that she has more than enough of what she needs? How many times do I have to let her know that she should be content with what she has? She's more than blessed and she doesn't really see that. And I have always been in the sidelines seeing the silver lining on her every cloud. I am tired of being the friend who wants to assume the place of someone important in her life whom she takes for granted--- simply because I "wouldn't understand".

I am tired of trying and at the moment I am still uncertain if I really still want to try. I am currently numb from last week's argument. I don't know if I should say sorry, but I reckon that reminding her to keep herself grounded isn't something I should be sorry for. She may need me, but she's got a lot friends who know her more than I do and I don't want to be the fly on the wall waiting.

It's just timely that I have browsed upon Noemi Dado's blog entry on Michael Jackson's death. As quoted from a commenter on Lisa Marie's blog: "No matter how much you love someone, you cannot control them..."

So should I stop or stay?

I do miss her almost daily early morning text messages or weekend what-are-you-up-to's but I'm almost at the fallout of things so heaven help me cause I don't even know where to end or begin.

Breathe

2009-06-26T21:23:00.000+08:00

I've made up my mind (for the nth time). I've decided to move up, move out and move in.

I have been blogging for 4 years now and figured that it's time to grow up and leave behind all the juvenile, empty entries that I have written in the past and start over. It has been ages since I have written something sensible. I realized that it's about time that I get my act together and do better at what I know best. I'm all rusty from years of writer's block but I am hoping that I would finally wake up from this spell that had left me all blank.

For now I'll be keeping myself incognito. I just want to write my thoughts without any inhibitions whatsoever.

I guess this is finally it.

A place where I can breathe.

Swine Scare

2009-06-09T20:16:00.006+08:00

These are the candy colored antibiotic pills that I have been taking since yesterday. I swear, I've been paranoid of having the A H1N1 virus since I've felt that scratchy sensation in my throat Sunday afternoon. I had to blame my sister for a while since she has been coughing like crazy, but after getting home from the mall later that day, scary scenes started flooding my head. Swine flu ain't as easy to detect, and what's worse is that ANYONE could be a carrier.

Yesterday I have been down the entire day, and slept my way thru Tuesday. I barely had the strength to eat. Thank heavens I felt better after an entire day's sleep! It's not even dying that I'm afraid of. It's the horrid idea that if I do have it, I'd have to be quarantined and be a part of the statistic. I don't want that kind of publicity (if there really is any).

Going thru the hassles of daily commute doesn't even help, what more taking the train that courses thru Taft Ave. (Just today I heard that someone from my Alma Mater has been infected and they had to cancel school for a week a few days after someone from Main got it). I don't want to be carrying the virus around let alone inflicting my family with it.

This flu scare is worse that a pregnancy scare, I think. It's easy to know if you're prego. You'd be dead even before you figure out that you've got full blown A H1N1 (okay, I'm exaggerating!) But seriously, yesterday scared the hell out of me. I'm still paranoid 'til now actually. I just hope this entire influenza ordeal blows off soon. *shudder*

In My Head: Walking After You by The Foo Fighters

Save the Rainforest

2009-06-07T20:36:00.001+08:00

Eye candy campaign. That's one lucky toad. Hope she doesn't turn into a princess!

Origins

2009-06-07T17:33:00.012+08:00

My name is Kaitlin.

I would appreciate if my name was spelled with a K instead of a C with it ending with an L-I-N instead of an L-Y-N. Mom said she got my name from a pocket book that she read before. According to her, the nickname actually came before the full name. She wanted her kid to be nicked K.T. so she thought of two names that would represent both letters. It's not complicatedly spelled K-A-T-I-E like everyone thinks.

My middle name/ second name was taken from a saint's name. Back in the day I believe Catholics were required to have saint names in order to be baptized in a Catholic church ergo the second saintly name which went well with the nickname my mom coined.

A few weeks back I stumbled upon this Facebook group called The Kaitlin Klub . Obviously, it is a group composed of ladies all over the world with the name of Kaitlin which should be spelled the way that I do it. Yeah, yeah, I'm a nerd like that. I just never knew another person with the namesake. So I searched my name on FB just to see how many people have the same name as I do, both first and second name and stumbled upon The KK group.

The group have also uploaded pictures of streets, toys and vandals with our name on it. GAWD, I would love to steal these signs! Can anybody tell me how to get to these streets? Kaitlin Lane is in Virginia and Kaitlin Way is in Pennsylvania.

According to Wikipedia Kaitlin, also spelled in numerous ways is Irish in origin and means "pure". It was originally an Irish Gaelic form of the name Catherine. The name Katherine could also be derived from Hecate, a Greek Goddess.

I never knew that my name originated from some goddess' name. All I knew was that it was Irish, something that I get from people, strangers mostly.

Interestingly I found out that the Goddess Hecate was told to be the Queen of the night, the spirit world and witchcraft. (I ain't no new age geek but I certainly am a witch in more ways than one.) All Hecate's myths clearly identify her as witch and a matron of magical arts.

She holds dominion over life, death, regeneration and magic. She rules wisdom, choices, expiation, victory, vengeance and travel. Hecate guards the frontier between life and death. She is an intermediary between the spirit world and that of humans. She is the witness to all crimes especially those against women and children.

Hecate has been known to assume the shape of a black cat, a bear, a pig or a hen but most typically manifests as a mature woman or a black dog. In the magical papyri of Ptolemaic Egypt, she is called the "she-dog" or "bitch" (Oh, this is soooo me!). Artistic renderings of Hecate usually attempt to capture her spiritual essence. She may be depicted with three bodies, each facing a different direction. One hand holds the knife that is the midwife's tool, another holds a torch to illuminate the darkness, the last bears a serpent representing medical and magical wisdom. Sometimes she is depicted with a woman's body but three animal heads- those of a dog, a horse and a lion.

Hecate's sacred tune us the black night. All her festivities and ceremonies are held after dark, the only acceptable illumination is candles and torches. She only accepts offerings and petitions at night. Hecate is identified with the Dark Moon, the time of her optimum power.

Her sacred place is the crossroads, specifically three-way crossroads. Among her name is Hecate Trivia. That doesn't indicate that Hecate is trivial or that worshipping her was a trivial pursuit. Trivia literally means "three roads". Hecate is Spirit of the Crossroads: her power emanates from their point of intersection. Hecate's image was once placed in Greek towns wherever three roads met. (reference: Mystic Mooncrow's Circle)

That's just part of the juicy stuff I never even knew about. I found out too, that Hecate is also associated with the element of water. Ironically, I'm married to a swimmer named Mer. LOL. Am I living by my name's origin or what?!

What's behind your name?

In My Head: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Meyer

Depressing: Don't Read

2009-05-31T08:10:00.003+08:00

I don't like crying not to mention crying in public. For a long period of time I have believed and known that I am not the type to be emotional in front of other people, at least those that I am not close to. Well, I was wrong.

I have to thank those who had to lend a hanky or those who had to go out of their way to get me tissue to blow my nose on, especially those who gave me a hug and held my hand through out the entire ordeal. And most of those are from the one I least expect to give it.

And what sucks is that what I have cried about for the past week wasn't even worth crying about. Must be PMS. I am in limbo now as I was then. Hope this all goes away. Everything is already depressing as it is.

In My Head: Love Game by Lady Gaga

Flight Plan

2009-05-23T17:52:00.003+08:00

So I finally decide on the date. I've been browsing over Expedia for some time now and I think I finally found reasonable rates. Today's currency conversion is at $1 : Php. 46.91. What's holding me back? It scares me to spend this much online. I'm not sure how secure sites are even if they promise to lock your credit card info up in a volt and throw the key down some deep endless pit. It is kinda risky and it doesn't help to know so much about credit card fraud (that's what you get for working in a bank!) either. I'm more paranoid than you think but I'm more stingy than you know too.

And though mom had advised for me to call her agent (which she ended up doing for me anyway because I have no idea about booking flights) I found out that they couldn't give me the same rates as given online. What do I do now? The difference of the prices could be used up to pay for terminal fees and such. So it does make sense not to splurge so much. If I don't book now though, I'm bound to spend more on my tickets so what do I do?

The dilemma grows.

I need a passport renewal. I have been convincing my lazy self to have a schedule set up already. It's just such a hassle to go thru all the red tape for a name and status amendment since I would still be required to show up at the DFA regardless of paying more to have my documents picked up from home. Problem is you can't really pick a schedule, they would have to pick the sched for you. And that just does not work with the SOP for VLs at work, see leaves have to be filed two weeks in advance.

Then there's the N1H1 scare going about. Most cases have sprung about the east coast. Will the virus be worse come October? I'm not so sure how safe it would be to travel a few months from now. I mean, I don't want to end up being quarantined for that. It's also ironic how I always end up catch some weird allergy or flu when I fly to the States. Must be my immune system reacting to a cleaner environment or something.

This has been my 3rd (?) year of planning this trip. The last two years have been crazier so none pushed thru. Everything's almost at my fingertips now and it's just odd instances like these that prevent me from following through. Now I'm uncertain if fate is taking over again.

I'd do anything to have this plan done with once and for all. It's been 4 years since I've travelled far and have held back from splurging too much just to save up for this trip. And if it would take driving to St. Claire's to offer a crate-full of eggs, I'm determined to offer a truckload instead just to make it happen.

In My Head: Something's Always Wrong by Toad the Wet Sprocket

One Fine Day

2009-05-14T19:51:00.007+08:00

So this was what I have done for the past weekend. And though I have ranted the entire time Friday cause of the typhoon that came in and our beach trip (Anvaya Cove, Bataan) postponed. The heavens were kind enough to have the sun shine thru the following day though. 4 cars, 4 kids and a bunch of crazy adults, sand, surf and sabaw. What else could I ask for?!

Tried to get a tan but GAWD, I'm just so freakin' melanin impoverished that nothing worked. The only part of my body that I had sunscreen on was my face. But still the sun didn't even penetrate my paleness much. I don't even have tan lines. Everyone got all sun- kissed and I was the same pale girl that came when I left the beach. I'm starting to believe that I might be some sorta vampire mutt. Ugh.

For the first time ever, I wore a two piece swim suit (and walk around with only my bikini top on... I've always been the shy type. LOL) I like this one that I have, a pair of purple Oakley string bikini. The bottom was just too revealing so I opted to wear board shorts instead. The hubby wouldn't have allowed me anyway. The bottom was too "for his eyes only". And besides, the nun in me was too chicken to even try! But hey, it wasn't as gross as I thought it would be--- the mommy belly was cooperating that day.

Oooh, I had so much fun with my college friends. There was never a dull moment. T'was definitely time and money well spent even if time flew by too quickly. They're my second family! I I heart them to death!

In My head: One Of Us by Joan Osbourne

SNAFU

2009-05-02T10:26:00.002+08:00

Learned this word from one of the books I've read way back (Wake Stories by Beth Goldner). It means Situation Normal All Fucked Up. Who would've thought that a military acronym used back in WW II could come out ummm, crass?

And just like anything else, my performance at work is all SNAFU. I don't understand why but I think I'm just losing it, the drive. The decision of moving to another team is finally taking it's toll. Guess this is what I get for having normal sleeping hours now.

I'm not even a slacker these days. I know what slacking is, and I've done that a gazillion times with my old team, Saleen and still get flying colors on my scorecard with less effort every month. I was just as surprised when the Q1 bonus came out. I had way more than I expected considering that I'm barely floating amidst the crazy metrics that the company had revised. They've raised the bars higher, so high that my sucky scores are still somewhat a part of the upper percentage overall. Everyone is struggling and adjusting that we could barely meet our goals.

From the top 40% I moved down to top 70% which really broke my heart. But when I found out what the top agent's score was, I figured I wasn't even way behind. It kills me to think that we were so good at what we were doing, our site almost always toping the charts quarterly that they've raised all their expectations and killed us with bloody benchmarks to meet.

Above all this I don't even know if it's the metrics that's really affecting me. I have this strange feeling that I'm losing the drive to even perform. I miss being with the competitive people that I love. The ones I'm with right now are just weird people (and I'm being subtle about this) I can't even relate with anymore no matter how much I try.

My new manager isn't of any help either. She's the most irresponsible person I've ever worked with over-all. I don't even know why the company turns a blind eye on that. Imagine being gone for 3 weeks straight without anyone knowing where she is? My scorecard for the month of February was incomplete and had to be recomputed manually because she wasn't around to do our audits. How fucked up is that?!

I'm still weighing my options, I'm itching to request for a team transfer. I know I've got the best schedule ever, and everyone at work would die to just have the working hours that I have. I know, I can't have everything that I want but I know that I don't deserve to be in the team I am currently a part of, and I'm not even being arrogant about it.

Oh, the stress! :?

Apathists Ltd.

2009-05-02T10:17:00.003+08:00

Looks like the apathists are finally moving up and making a mark somewhere in the world. Hehe.

In My Head: Great Big No by The Lemonheads

Touche!

2009-04-18T11:17:00.005+08:00

It was almost bedtime. Kyan was holding his Finding Nemo story book.

"Mom, what's this?" Kyan asked, pointing to a picture in one of the book's pages.

"I don't know, I can't see. What is it?" I asked. I figured he was testing my knowledge. You know how kids are sometimes. They ask you things even if they know the answers to begin with.

"This! What's this?" His tiny fingers almost tearing thru the page.

I was almost 3 feet away from him so I could barely see what he was pointing at.

"This!!!"

"I can't see it." I was folding some of the hubby clothes by the edge of the bed.

Kyan, sounding more than frustrated: "Mom! Use your eyes, not your mouth!" he suddenly blurted out.

Touche!

The hubby and I had to laugh at that one. Looks like I got a taste of my own medicine.

"I am," I answered with a chuckle. "I just don't have my glasses on that's why I can't see!"

Kyan must've figured that one out. He then got up from the bed to show me the picture. Well, it was an oddly- drawn shark. Heh.

Smart boy, that one. It's funny how he mirrors what we say and do. I always tell him that when he can't find his misplaced toys. I always try to watch my words. You know what that old poem says--- Children Learn What they Live.

In My Head: Just Dance by Lady Gaga

My Way

2009-04-13T09:47:00.002+08:00

It's been almost 3 months now and I am just aching to get out of my parents' house.

I miss the old house. I miss living away from anyone older than I am. I miss the privacy of our own room. I miss hot pandesals in the morning (There isn't a single bakery close to where we are right now, can you believe it?!) I miss the king-sized bed we used to sleep in.

I think the only thing I am still free of doing now is walking around the house in my underwear, a habit I have formed, living and growing up in a household full of women. Heeh.

I wish it were that easy to find a good place to live in, actually at this point I am willing to just take anyting available because there are moments when my family and I can't stand each others guts any longer, and it just gets tiring not to be able to do the things I want to do MY way.

I have always done things at my own pace, I don't like being told what to do. I'm f*cking 26 years old, and I wouldn't be living with my parents if the need wasn't there to begin with, like I said, who would want to lose a house to a fire? I didn't want this, so stop bitchin' about it.

I don't mean to sound bratty, I'm not. It's just that I feel like an overgrown kid living under parental supervision, of not being allowed to do this and that, or for being forced into doing this and that because it is needed.

I have to admit though, that I have been a slacker once we moved with my folks.This is what's wrong with being so sheltered all your life. I'm one helluva spineless git. I guess the assurance of having my mom there all the time to make the decisions for me and whatnot has driven me to play the role of an underdog. I am aware that much of what I say has no importance or bearing since it's not my place I'm living in, so therefore, whatever needed judgement would never be my call.

We give our share for the daily expenses and I understand that I still can't have things my way even if we paid for everything simply because it's not my house (of course I wounldn't really mind if I could afford it). And I know mother dear can't wait for the day when my little critters would leave her in peace, she shouldn't worry about that, I'm working on it.

Dangnabit, I miss my old life with my own rules, I miss myself. :?

I just can't take it anymore! I want out.

In My Head: Drive- by Kiss by Dambuilders

Sleek

2009-04-12T08:27:00.007+08:00

Good thing I didn't get myself a new phone yet. The SE W380 I used to want was always out of stock. Check this out: the SE T707! Somewhat similar to my SE z610i only, sleeker!

I'm in love!!!

In My Head: Love Story by Taylor Swift

Say What Now?

2009-04-09T16:28:00.009+08:00

So this is what I have been doing the entire afternoon. My fingers practically hurt from figuring out the film coil or whatever that's called. The camera assembling and putting the film on was a success--- at least I can assume that it was until I tried taking a picture. The shutter clicks but the film doesn't advance. Take one more, nothing.

Blech.

I checked the manual after a while but all was in vain. Although the pictures show everything, it was of no help. The instructions were exploding with jargons only pro photographers would comprehend. Checked on dad, he told me to sit on it and understand the manual carefully, otherwise, I'd be making "an expensive mistake" after directing me with more photography jargons on text. (Dad, seriously, I don't understand what you're talking about!)

So I bug Abu a bit and he says what I did was correct, at least judging from how I told and showed how I did it. He says he'll try to swing by, which I wasn't encouraging but would appreciate. He said it was difficult to figure out without being here physically and I said that there was a possible solution for this: and that's for me to just get myself a digital camera so I wouldn't even have to bother with knobs and locks and lenses and all that.

Blimey!

Old school photography--- dad calls it grass roots in his lecture, not the cheating-with-a-digital-camera one, is difficult. More than having the interest, for sure your patience would be put to a test--- which I lack there of. LOL.

My dad said that the first roll of film I had developed successfully was merely beginners luck. I believe him now. Hehe. But then he was real supportive and encouraging, saying that I should have the hobby stick. That it works in my advantage to learn with his camera because the digital ones "took a lot of sense out of photography". I'll never know yet, see. I'm just a mere beginner out of her wits on a boring holiday weekend. I'm glad though that I have something to tinker with. Maybe next time I should try scale modeling just like my dad does, (eww, another expensive, patience- testing hobby) since he still has lots of planes and whatnots unassembled --- in boxes... Uh, daaaaad! Where did you keep your airbrush again?

So instead of trying to break my dad's transformer-like SLR apart, I have to sit still and wait. Wait for tech support Abu to swing by and check if what he taught me a year back is correct.

This is day one of my four day weekend. Hmmm... What to do next?

In My Head: Little Man by Cagedbaby

Techno Time

2009-04-04T20:40:00.005+08:00

An advanced birthday present to me from me. I have lusted for this Technomarine TLCN09 for approximately 2 years and some months. After deliberating between a cellphone and a camera, I figured that I should get something that I want, not something I need. This year's stressors have sprung about like fungi on damp socks (Ewww! Yes, my life has been that gross for the past months.) and I believe I deserve some sorta reward for not trying to kill myself in the process.

It was just timely that my birthday was coming and it's a pretty darn excuse to splurge a little even if the guilty bug has been creeping once in a while to take a bite off of my conscience for getting something pricey for myself for a change (everyone knows I've always been the cheap one). Besides, I've lost all my watches in the fire, another valid excuse... See?

Always been a watch person, something I might've gotten from my dad. He'd always get me a watch as a pasalubong. I must have adapted the habit. You can size a man up by his shoes, people say. Dad says otherwise. He'd always tell me that you could size a man up by the watch he wears. *SHRUGS* Don't look at me, that's his philosophy, not mine.

Anyhow, I made an Amazon.com wish list instead of my annual conventional list. Buys from Artbeads.com and Esty.com are also a part of the birthday list. Takers? Anyone? *please?* LOL.

So happy birthday to me in a couple of days. Here's to my 27th-fungi-filled year!

In My Head: Faster by Third Eye Blind

Life's Tragedies

2009-03-29T13:42:00.003+08:00

I received a post from our HS Yahoo groups about a high school batch mate soliciting help for another batch mate of ours who is suffering from CML (Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia). Her CML was diagnosed after being told that she had an enlargement of the spleen which caused her tummy to grow as if she was on her 9th month of pregnancy. Photos of her were also attached to the post, her frail body seemingly too weak to even smile for the camera.

Michelle, our ailing batch mate has been a classmate of mine for 2 years in a row, and though she was not really a part of my circle of friends, just reading the severity of her condition saddens me. According to the email they could barely make ends meet and it breaks my heart to know that she has two kids (ages 7 and 2) who are counting on her.

They tried asking for help from local politicians and NGOs but all were in vain. I don't know how I could help yet, but for sure, I'll try to find a way to.

We're all only in our mid- 20's and it's somewhat hard to imagine how tragic some of our lives are when supposedly, this should only be the beginning of our adult roles, our turn to explore the real world to learn.

After hearing this sad news, I figured that I don't even have the right to complain about how my life is going regardless of losing a home. This is the reality of things, I know. Life's but a bunch of tragedies and that these things really happen--- and could happen to anyone. I don't even know or understand why I am this affected. I guess it, too somewhat serves as wake up call that I should shorten my rants and complaints and should be thankful for what I have, that I should not want more than I already have because I have more than enough of what I really need.

In My Head: All About Soul by Billy Joel

In Pursuit Of...

2009-03-21T22:34:00.006+08:00

I finally had the interest to stroll the malls today after a light year of hibernation. I think I finally got my grove back after all this time. Mother dear was kind enough to come with me, and though she has a stamina of a water buffalo, for the first time she had almost given up on me. I was afraid she would drag my fat ass home after hours of going around for nothing in particular.

Initially, I needed, not wanted a bag. I only have a total of 3 bags now (minus one), a brown one, a black one and a white sling which I rarely use. I cringe at the thought of losing all my bags (esp. my Coach and my carry all--- and I mean ALL, Secosana bag *sniff*) to the fire. Still not over it. It would take a lifetime to find those bags again. Tough Luck.

I've never really been a bag person, see. Although I will always love bags over shoes any day, I had probably had less than 20 bags all in all. You should meet my sister, she thrives on bags. Seriously.

The reason I don't have that much bags is because I could be really picky about it's size. I'm mostly like a turtle, my bag my shell, cause I carry almost all my stuff with me. I need a bag that would fit an umbrella, a book, my pen case and my organizer (not to mention my wallets, my make up kit, my glasses, my phone, my cologne, my iPod, etc., etc.) in it. So it can't just be any bag, it should be the bag. It is also a requirement for me to have a bag with a wide opening. I've had tiny bags and it's such a terrible thing to use for daily commute. I'd also rather use a bag with a long handle than a hand bag since it's easier to carry around.

Anyhow, the black one of the three that I have, (which I got from People Are People, btw--- ugh terrible quality!) gave in to think I just got it last month. It's zipper lost thread and I couldn't put it back. It figured that it was OK since I didn't like the bag as much even if a ton of my trash could actually fit in.

In desperation to find something that I need (gents, this is not a whim, this is an emergency!), I went all the way to the mall, away from the safety of my cave in pursuit of the perfect bag. I didn't need a signature bag, I needed something that would be of use to me, something that I would not regret buying.

I have scoured the entirety of SM City, including The Block and the new wing (carpark?) just to find the bag that would actually say "buy me!". After going thru a "fickle fever" over getting a new phone (since mine was falling apart) and another IXUS 960is Titanium like the one I just lost in the fire, I decided that I should hold my horses and concentrate on what I really came for. Unfortunately though, there wasn't a single bag that spoke to me.

Everything was either just too colorful or too big or too tiny for my liking. I needed something that was just right regardless of the make. So with puppy dog eyes, I pleaded with my tired mum to come with me to Trinoma which was thankfully just across the street.

Tongue in cheek, we crossed malls and to my surprise, found a bag that would suit my needs on our first stop. It was this store called Simple Joys a.k.a. Egg a.k.a. Regalong Pambahay that saved me. There is a god!!!

I wanted to get all the colors (yellow, beige, red--- what did I miss?) the purple one especially but I thought it would be frivolous to do so. I had to be practical since there's so much I need to buy. I got the black one to replace that good for nothing P are P one. As a consolation, I got myself another bag, this time a smaller one which I could use for the mall. I couldn't resist, despite the said "requirements". It was too cute and inexpensive to pass.

Ah... At least my trip to the mall was all worth it. And though my legs are killing me at the moment I believe that shopping has always been as good as any gym exercise so it's all good. Hanne would be delighted with my finds. I should invite the bag queen to another trip to Egg sometime.

I could sleep sound now. :D

In My Head: If I Could Talk I'd Tell You by The Lemonheads

Drops of Jupiter

2009-03-13T22:55:00.009+08:00

This song has been playing in my head since last week. The words are beautiful. :) Train did a good job on this one (and Meet Virginia, of course). Both are my songs. Heeh. I remember doing a review about their album with the same title back in college. My editor even gave me a bootleg (oopsy!) copy for reference.

Now that shes back in the atmosphere

With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey

She acts like summer and walks like rain

Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey

Since the return from her stay on the moon

She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun

Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star

One without a permanent scar

And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that shes back from that soul vacation

Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey

She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo

Reminds me that theres time to grow, hey, hey

Now that shes back in the atmosphere

Im afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane

Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

And head back to the milky way

And tell me, did venus blow your mind

Was it everything you wanted to find

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken

Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone

Conversation

The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

And head back toward the milky way

Thursday Morning Overkill

2009-03-12T05:30:00.003+08:00

I've been playing hooky for 3 days now. Funny. I don't even feel guilty about the pended workload I've left behind. Argh. That is so not me. So tell me, is this a sign? My lazybones have been acting up. I've been wanting a haircut since... I can't even remember but I'm just too lazy to get out of the house. I've been drowning in a lot of tv and have been drunk in sleep. I might as well live under a rock for crying out loud!

So my decision to switch teams have taken its toll--- that fast. There's just something displeasing about my new team. I mean nothing against them but they're just no fun. I feel as if I've been on solitary confinement for the past month. I know this is a big chunk of a reason for skipping work. This thing, whatever it is, is just killing my drive.

I apologize for being so rant-y. I'll crawl back under my rock now and wait for this Hey Arnold! torrent to finish downloading.

In My Head: Kaleidoscope World by Francis Magalona

The Nine

2009-02-28T08:14:00.005+08:00

Yesterday's 9th anniversary has been spent scouring the malls for the perfect watch. The hubby says he didn't want to get me something I wouldn't want to wear so he took me to the mall to pick for myself. He said he wanted to at least replace one of the watches I've lost in the fire plus some two others I haven't barely worn yet.

I never thought finding a nice watch would actually cause so much pressure on my end. I've never had a Fossil before but I didn't like how their watches looked. The Guess ones were all full of bling--- too flashy for my taste, and the Anne Klein's were just too boring this year.

I ended up picking this cute Esprit watch, I've never had that brand before, I've never had a silver dress watch (always got either gold or two-toned) even if I always wanted one. Guess this is watch 3 of my now mini- collection.

In My Head: Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes

Can't Buy Me Luck

2009-02-24T18:34:00.006+08:00

I never had a lucky charm. I've always believed that it was simply destined for people to be lucky when they do get lucky. I've never had anything significant on me whenever luck fleets my way. Opposed to people who believe in four leaf clovers and rabbits' feet (plural) that is.

This dawned upon me when I accompanied two of my best girlfriends from work to get themselves those supposedly lucky charm chinese bracelets, the ones that they say could drive bad vibes away. These things costs a fortune, considering that it's only a bunch of beads on a string--- technically, in my world at least, simply frivolous and impractical.

We visited this chinese "charm store" at Market Market, you know, those stores that sell all sorts of chinese good luck thingamajigs. I've never been to a charm store before and it's a quite interesting lot when you're new to it. Where on earth would you see gold frogs with coins in their mouths and crystals in all shapes, colors and sizes? Amusing.

I would have to admit that there were a ton of pretty things in the store but it was not enough to convince me that I needed to buy one of whatever was sold--- whatever balanced my world, or rocked my zen or whatever superstitious junk they say--- for myself.

So my friends started picking their bracelets, of course, you'd had to pick something that would be in line with your birth year. The saleslady at the counter was nice enough to answer my friends' questions, even the silliest and the most outrageous of queries I have ever heard. But then of course, I was just a window shopper and I tried my best to hold my tongue for the most part... In reality, I didn't want to disturb the vibe--- right.

Apart from the brouhaha going on at one corner of the store, I noticed that there was another lady in the store, more likely the owner. She was standing at one corner near the cash register, her graying hair in a tight bun, her hands behind her back, chin up. Quite cocky for an entrepreneur if you would ask me. She peered at us once in a while thru her gold rimmed glasses suspiciously. I'm sure she did not appreciate how my friends had all their fingerprints on her merchandise.

She paid no attention to us, except for the snotty surveying of course. She mostly kept mum with her chin up even when one of my friends asked her about one of the charm bracelets.

After I was almost kill-me-bored, they girls finally decided on what to get. The bracelets that they picked were about Php 700 a pop--- times two would equal to a chinky-eyed, smiling store owner. The old chinese lady immediately accommodated us, err them as soon as my friends handed their blue thousand bills over. The saleslady started handing us (and that included me) pieces of paper from an accordion file-o. On it were our birth years (mine being a dog) and the characteristics and guidelines for each birth sign. She started telling my friends about some guidelines they had to follow incase some sorta charm rule was broken, (i.e., the bracelet being held or noticed by other people, etc., etc.)

The old lady then started rubbing each bracelet over the gold frog with a coin in it's mouth, mumbled a short prayer and handed my friends tiny red and gold envelopes. She then started answering some of Aileen's questions since Ai was probably too excited to notice that she was one moment invisible, and then given all the attention she wanted the next.

After wearing their bracelets the girls said that they felt as if they were relieved from whatever burden they had at the moment. It was probably all psychological. I on the other hand had to stifle a chuckle. I love my friends to death and I didn't want to spoil the moment but I couldn't help being cynical.

I'm catholic and there are a lot of things and symbols that we believe in but I don't think a rosary in my pocket could've stopped our house from burning. Not even those bracelets could. My faith would probably, but nothing tangible would, cause not even a fire truck full of water did.

Things are meant to happen for a reason, and there's nothing that you could actually mess with to divert whatever fate you are bound to have. Even more, you can't buy luck. You find it and make it your own lucky charm but you don't buy it. It defeats the purpose of being significant if you have to spend a lot just to get the supposed luck you want.

I don't mean to offend anyone. To each his own, I suppose. It's just my two cents on a first hand experience. To sum it all up though: I'm not chinese so I won't buy it.

But then again, I digress.

I have to note that the saleslady who did all the talk said that people who were born in the year of the dog are unlucky this year. Maybe. Or maybe... I'm just being bitter about the thought... Then again, NOT!

In My Head: The Way Things Are by Fiona Apple

First Week Funk

2009-02-14T19:17:00.003+08:00

My first week with the my new team wasn't that bad. I've known every team member prior to moving so I didn't have a hard time adjusting to familiarity. What's different though is that their team is divided and that some people in there just don't get along as much.

I miss Fridays with my old team, wherein we normally just chill rather than work (I know, it's evil but c'mon! It's the weekend!), pig out, play games with other teams (that's my department for you!) go on long huddles and just talk about unimportant non-work related stuff.

The team I'm in has been accustomed to just working. No games, no huddles, no nothing. I know somehow this would cause me to age a bit but I know it's just a matter of getting used to. I sooo dearly hope and pray.

A couple of days back I though I was in trouble somewhat when my old team manager tried to persuade me to go back to her team. She went on extensive lengths of insinuation and unsolicited help just to get me back on her team. She went as far as speaking with her boss (the one who offered me to move to the day team) just to express that I wanted out of my new team even if I never said anything concrete about going back. I know she did it in good faith but it was embarrassing on my part considering that I have agreed to be moved to begin with. Because of this I had to go through the trouble of speaking with her boss just to explain my side and clarify things. I'm glad though that the boss was kind enough to listen to me and understand. I've tried staying away from my old manager since then, I didn't want her putting me on the spot again.

I still get to hang out with my old team mates during breaks but it's not the same. I have to make do with e-mails and chat just to get by my quiet moments with the new team.

This is an official update on my first week. Not bad, not bad at all.

In My Head: Tea and Sympathy by Jars Of Clay

Crash And Burn

2009-02-07T06:51:00.008+08:00

I met up with the my new manager yesterday. And it just feels weird that no matter how friendly she tried to be there was just something about her I didn't like and found threatening. I've heard a lot of negative comments about this person, and even those friends I have from her team couldn't really say much praise about her.

Over the 2 hour meeting I found myself questioning my decision. Did I again make a wrong move? Too late for me to answer that, huh? I was almost gloating at the obvious and I felt like I just want to die. But then I kept on telling myself that everyone has this initial reaction to be resistant to new supervision. I'm part of that majority.

No one in the team knew that I have agreed to be moved and were caught by surprise when it was announced in the town hall yesterday. How did they take it? The girls started to cry. I felt so bad over the entire ordeal when my name was called and everyone in the team was going "Kait?! No..." As I got up from where I was seated a teammate started crying, then another. They were caught off guard and I was, too. I've never imagined they'd take it that badly. I felt as if I have betrayed them because I didn't tell. I felt worse that I have made them cry, felt as if I was selfish enough to leave my team behind for a stagnant shift. I've never felt so loved, and I was insane enough to leave the people I call family.

I could not appease them after the meeting, and they all held sullen faces like I was going to move to another country, worse going to die. I so hated it, (both myself and the situation) I felt all rotten inside and the guilt (hopefully not the regret which I started feeling yesterday after work) will always be with me regardless.

I should've been thoughtful and I regret not doing so. But then I guess I should not be swayed by quick judgement and other people's thoughts as well. I should give myself, the new manager and the situation a chance.

A couple of nights ago I dreamt of a plane crashing in front of me. I told my teammates about it and they looked it up online for me. Here's what they found:

This may symbolize an overactive mind, one that needs a rest from thinking.

Unless one had studied to be a pilot, the same is rarely true of the airplanes. When we take a trip by plane, we are relying on the skill and expertise of someone else--- we are completely out of control of the situation.

This lack of control may be another concept a plane crash dream symbolizes. Do you feel like you are in a situation where not only are you not in control but there is absolutely nothing you can do to rectify what is occurring? When planes crash there are also devastating consequences, not to a singular person but to everyone aboard the plane. Do you feel a situation occurring in which not only you but many people could be injured? Do you feel that the person in charge of the situation is ill-equipped to handle it?

They may represent necessary change usually in your thinking that allows you to enter another 'plane' of existence--- the current 'plane' must crash to allow new freedom of existence. Should this be the case, remember that what always survives the crash is a black box--- that part of you that keeps your memories, your dreams, and your soul alive!

Your dream may be simple telling you that you have the ability to accomplish more than you ever thought humanly possible but the fear of taking flight and going into a place you've never been is overwhelming you. If this is the case, I encourage you to step on the plane, get in that seat, and prepare for the adventure head...

The dream finally made sense to me. Everything that's happening to me seems totally relative to my dream. All along I feared that it was some sort of bad omen/ premonition just like the fire dream I had a few nights before the house burned down. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the interpretation they found is what it really is and not some tragic accident that could happen anytime soon.

So maybe this is some sorta sign for me to give in to change. I've always been uncomfortable about it. This decision I made could make or break me, and I'm hoping against hope that everything would this time work to my advantage. I really need to get my decision- making confidence back. I just hope I don't crash and burn in the process though.

In My Head: Headlock by Imogen Heap

Small Blessings

2009-01-31T08:29:00.003+08:00

My first week after the fire wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I got tons of bear hugs and empathetic eyes when I went back to the office. A lot of people have extended their help, some even anonymously. It's overwhelming, very overwhelming.

I think I've finally gotten over the entire fire ordeal but I did notice that it kinda affected my shopping grove (if there is such a thing, that is). Losing most of my stuff in the fire makes me feel as if everything I buy, I would eventually lose again. I think my stinginess has gotten worse because of this but then again, I don't mind. I do need to go on a budget.

We've seen the house we were supposed to rent but I wasn't as satisfied as I thought I would. Good friends had offered to help me find a place to rent but I've been caught up with a lot of stuff at work so I don't have much time yet. No ones really rushing and I don't feel like mom wants me out of their house yet but I feel pressured to find a place for us to stay asap.

I was called in by one of the shift managers yesterday. He offered for me to be a part of the permanently day shift team. I took the offer without questions. He said that I was one of the 8 analysts that they would be selecting from the pool of analysts since my I didn't have attendance issues and had good stats. He said it was some sort of reward for those who did well. It was very humbling. I'm glad I'm finally a normal working being!

So the small blessings are coming in too quickly than I expected. But of course I'm not complaining. C'mon clouds, let the sunshine in!

In My Head: Around the World by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Afloat

2009-01-24T23:11:00.003+08:00

I noticed that my past 2 entries lack so much cohesion. My mind's all afloat at the moment, everything just seems to be out of sync. It's almost Monday and I dread going back to work. A lot of people from the office had cheered me on and asked how I've been thru mobile. I'm happy about that, kept a tiny smile plastered on my face through the entire ordeal but I'm not ready to retell what really happened since it's just too painful to recount (of what I know at least). We've almost started putting our lives together, starting small, starting to smile. I don't wanna go back and tell a dark tale. It would definitely kill me.

I really need a break. I hope that beach trip next month would push thru. Oh, wait. I don't have a bathing suit.

In My Head: Building A Mystery by Sarah Mclachlan

A Day At A Time

2009-01-22T08:55:00.005+08:00

I want to take the time out of my dull day to thank everyone who had called in, sent help (and made me cry every time they did so) and emotional support our way. It's overwhelming. After losing so much in the fire, I feel very well blessed. I never thought that so much people cared.

We're taking it a day at a time now. We found a place to rent, a 3 bedroom apartment in the QC area. I haven't seen it yet but I'm excited. I've always wanted to have a house of my own that I could furnish or decorate. Like I told the hubby last night it felt like the first time again, newly wed and learning.

My mom and I went to the mall yesterday to buy some undergarments for the four of us, I have yet to find out when I could get myself and my husband some clothes for work. Kyan went back to school in jeans today, we got him school stuff yesterday and have yet to have a set of uniforms sewn for him.

Thank God there was a huge balikbayan box stored with clothes for the kids that was sent in from the States a year ago that I didn't have time to look at. At least its a fresh start for them, nice, new clothes ready to be worn.

I think they finally tore the house down, took out all the scrap that could be sold. Raldie found some of my trinkets and watches. I don't have the courage to go through what was left of my stuff yet. Some other time maybe.

It amuses me that one of the things that has been left intact and unharmed by the fire was the bottom left drawer of our cabinet (cabinet is around 9 ft. high and around 12 ft wide). In it were some keys and two rosaries from Rome. Raldie said the drawer was still whole while everything else was burned to ashes. With this I believe it holds true that God has a better plan for us and we should not lose hope.

Tomorrow's another day to look forward to, another day to be thankful for. One day at a time, everyone says. I am looking forward to the silver lining found behind these clouds.

In My Head: You Found Me by The Fray

Starting Over

2009-01-20T07:07:00.004+08:00

Our house got burned down to the ground yesterday.

I was at work the entire time and I only got to see what remained of the house after the fire had died down. To this moment, it hasn't sunken in much. I still can't believe that we have no clothes to wear for the coming days and that we don't have a "home" to go home to anymore.

It's very vague how the fire really started. Everything was over when I got home. Everyone took the initiative to tell me only after I was instructed to proceed to my parents' house. That was around past 6 in the evening. They said the fire started with the neighbors'. No one was hurt, except for our male house help who had to go back inside to get my sister-in-law. He's OK now but had to be brought to the hospital for immediate attention.

The kids were brought to me a few minutes after I have arrived. It's nice how the kids are innocent and oblivious about what happened. I'm thankful that it wouldn't be something that they would retain in their minds and haunt them forever. I wasn't even home personally when the fire started but I am more than traumatized by it.

Tish wanted to "go home" last night and I had to remind her continuously that it was gone.

A few days ago, I believe I had a dream about the house burning. The dream was very vague though, I couldn't remember much of what happened. I had weird premonitions about the house and my personal stuff. There were things I was thinking of bringing to work yesterday that I left behind. During the weekend, there were pictures from my husband's childhood that I was looking at and thinking of setting aside. I was even considering getting a new mattress last Saturday and planning on having the our room refurbished.

I've only lived there three years at the most but I have been attached to that big, old house. It belongs to my in-laws but they were gracious enough to have us live there since no one else would.

I feel bad that everything from my husband's childhood had been lost in the fire. All his medals from school and swimming competitions, all the pictures, all the books he had since he was a kid. Those things you cannot bring back.

We were standing hand in hand by the ruins of the fire last night. Nothing but the posts of the house and and first floor were left. There were sparks coming from our room, our at least, what's left of it. It was dark and everything was either burnt or wet. I told him I was glad that he had accepted and gotten over the situation so quickly. He said that I should look at the bright side of things and know that it's a way for us to anew.

I'm thankful that my hubby had always been positive about life, he was always my half full when I felt half empty. I don't know what I would do without him. I am also thankful for my relatives and my friends who had call in to show their support. I am more than touched.

So this is it. Starting over, with nothing left but the clothes I had on yesterday, my wedding ring and watch. My iPod and my cellphone. Everything else is gone now. I feel like a stripped primate. It's back to zero.

I am overwhelmed by the things that have happened for the past 24 hours. I haven't slept much either. I'm afraid to close my eyes cause all I could see is our burned down house.

In My Head: Another Life by Third Eye Blind

Senorita Ties the Knot

2009-01-17T08:50:00.011+08:00

I learned a couple of things over the span of two days, just for one of my best girlfriend's wedding. You should note that these were all done under a crunch since I barely have the time.

To tie a tie. Raldie didn't know how and didn't give a rat's ass (and I curse all the schools he went to for not teaching him!) as much as I did so I had to learn it myself in order teach him. Props to the guys at work who were nice enough to show me how those crazy knots were done. I have settled for the Windsor Knot though. Everything else is still a mess in my head (right over left, left over right--- wtf!?!). Damn. Who knew being a man could be complicated, too?! Thought they were all made up of boring shorts and sneakers. I'm glad the tie gave the male population a little finesse.

To shop in less than four hours. Kyan was part of the entourage so I had to get him a barong right after work on Thursday. It was almost a breeze especially when I found out that affordable barongs existed. I had to compliment the hubby for tagging along and for getting me a new purse (it was Dorothy Perkins vs. Girbaud, I picked Girbaud though) which I so love! Imagine shopping and getting a good buy in a couple of hours (malls were closing)!

To put on make up. I never really had the talent of self- beautification, as most of people would know. Thanks to my uber- girly friends at work, I now have the awkward talent at hand for emergency. There's still a lot to learn and a lot of self- acceptance (Oh, no! I've turned girly!) to muster though.

Looking fresh with only 3 hours of sleep. I don't know how I did it but I have a strong feeling I pulled it off. Not to mention the stress of getting ready in the church washroom since we got lost and were running late. We were expexted to have arrived earlier to get dressed with the bride to begin with. You could just imagine the relief afterwards.

All smiles while freezing my ass off. This went for all the ladies in the wedding, I believe. To some 15 degrees isn't really cold but in the islands, this is c-c-coooold. I was in a tube dress so you could just imagine how I almost died of frostbite (???) yesterday.

I digress. I love the Caleruega chapel, I figured that's where I want my goth wedding to be. Hee.

Eating my greens. The reception was held at Sonya's Garden and technically, everything had leaves and petals in it. I'm no vegan but for the fun of it all, I tried their fresh garden salad (garnished with rose petals and some other leaves I didn't know of) and it wasn't bad at all. The main course consisted of really good stuff and their Lengua Estofada is to die for!!! I love dtheir chocolate cake and mini- turons for dessert, too. Sooo yum!

The wedding was pretty eclectic. It was a fusion of tradition and art. The venue had a very homey feel and the hosts rocked (they were dressed as Jack Sparrow, Tia Dalma and an RPG character) Look who I bumped into!

And though we had to ease through the hustle and bustle of the city to attend a wedding in the suburbs, it was all worth it. The sun was shining brightly, the bride was lovely and everyone was happy. All in all, a perfect day.

In My Head: Unbreakable by Alicia Keys

Cool It

2009-01-13T19:31:00.004+08:00

So the bug got me.

I have mutated into a green eyed monster ready to bite someone's head off. This is just bad. My PMS had decided to pounce at my jealousy hormones if it ever existed and this is even worse than sadness and gluttony combined.

So there's this girl, right? --- A single parent with a live in partner, HIS team mate from work who has been hovering, and for some appalling reason just always, always mentioned when WE converse. And is just always, always in his celly inbox even if her messages are total spam in the first place.

What ticks me off most is that he actually went out of his way to go to the mall, (and may I stress that he dreads going to malls,) simply because this girl was celebrating her birthday and "everyone" else in the team were there. He doesn't even like going out during his days off even if it meant accompanying me, the wife, to the mall for crying out loud! This just tops the cake, see?

So just to see if being honest would help keep my cool I sent him a text message on my way home while he on the other hand wasted away.

"I will say this only once, for my own peace that I am not comfortable nor happy with you being all too chummy with that _____ person just as how you feel towards _____."

And he goes: "Don't be paranoid, we're with ____ husband, pero sige, uwi na ko."

"I don't care. You're with me when I chat with ____. Now even fat, ugly, married women are threatening. They've got cunts just like I do."

I don't even know why I said this. It does have a lot of truth to it. At least now I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm actually jealous. You know sometimes when things get touchy, pride gets in the way. And you end up having all these pent up emotions. It's a killer.

I'm still angry and I can't control it. I just hope this goes away. I am so not into this feeling. My hormones better cool it or else.

In My Head: Collide by Howie Day

No More

2009-01-11T09:46:00.003+08:00

I'm homesick.

I'm back in the normal hours with my team left behind. I miss being around my crazy friends more than anything even if I think I did well on my first week of withdrawal. This month I will be stuck with two guy team mates. Although I am sure that I'll be getting my way at all times, I still feel so much like a newbie even if I know almost everyone on the floor.

An informal announcement has been made for team reshuffling and none has been thrilled about the news. I don't know if anyone is actually ready for this. My team and I are terribly tight and we're all hoping against hope that this is all a bad dream. Everyone has admired the closeness that the team has, we've heard it more than a gazillion times, praises from bosses and analysts alike. They ask us how we do it. I dunno. I guess we just have the right amount of weirdness that why we gel so much.

I don't see the point even if they've given us enough reason to agree. I mean, I don't want to be stuck with some snotty, vain, weird or whatever person, not to mention the adjustment I'd be taking just to get along. I'm all happy and satisfied with the gayness (and I mean literally), and the vanity of the team. I want no more changes.

In My Head: Scar Tissue by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Planner Plague

2009-01-03T11:33:00.011+08:00

There's nothing better than starting the new year with a new planner. You know, the fresh blank pages of each day, just waiting be be filled in with lists, thoughts, doodles or whatever-you-want-cause-it's-your-friggin'-planner anyway.

I have been using a planner since 1998 to keep my O.C. side sane (OMFG, that's like 10 years ago!) after my folks got me that really cute Winnie the Pooh planner from the Disney Store when we visited Hong Kong. In the span of 10 years I've had only 8 planners (this year included) since the other 4 that I've had in the past were refillable ones.

Now Starbucks, the makers of good (they say--- I don't drink so I wouldn't be able to tell) yet expensive coffee has started this planner plague. Ever since they came out with this annual year end promo wherein you have to collect a number of stickers (the ratio being drink: sticker) to redeem the prized planner.

I see Starbucks now almost as a way of life for most, and the "free" planner as some sort of social status. Correct me if I'm wrong but it would take at least 2 grand to have one of those babies. You would be surprised how this had jump started all other establishments (Cosmo, Belle De Jour, even Goldilocks and Jollibee for crying out loud!) to come up with their own annual planners just to keep up with the craze.

And though I have not been dependable on caffeine, or any drink with a kick for that matter, I have been fortunate enough to have friends who just couldn't resist the daily java fix. These are the people who have gained weight over whip cream, barfed frappe, had latte colored pee (sorry for being gross, I'm just exaggerating to emphasize the addiction) all for the glory of Starbucks. I will never understand that since I am forever a stingy hag, even if for some time I have been a fan of the Caramel Java Chip Frappe.

Ergo, more coffee addicted friends is equivalent to too much redeemed planners and they wouldn't know what to do with the extra (if I remember correctly, my sister's bf got 15 of the '07 ones--- freeeeeak!) so they give one to me instead. (Whew, whatta segue!) For 4 years now I have been depending on my javaholic friends to help me plan my life yearly. LOL.

Hanne started it when she gave me the '06 Ed., now that one was special, she adding a some li'l notes on some dates here and there. The '07 planner was a surprise gift from another friend Ali, and the planners for years '08 to '09 have been Abu's (sister's bf) annual bribe--- joke!

The Starbucks planner has evolved from economical (with a lot of freebie stubs) to fashionable. And once you've started collecting, you just gotta have 'em all esp. when you get them for free! In short, I have been inflicted with the planner plague that is.

Cheers to the coffeeholics who have supplied me with annual luvre, may you not acquire a nervous breakdown from all the java intake! Cheers to the scheming people of Starbucks who have arrived with such a pricey yet effective way to make money and finally, cheers to the entirety of my new year for it will be inscribed and forever preserved when I am too old and crusty to remember the years that were!

In My Head: I'll Be Here A While by 311

Looking Back

2008-12-31T23:30:00.003+08:00

(Hey, why am I online at this time of the eve? I dunno. I'm so freaking sleepy, I just really want to get this night over with!)

I'm looking back at the days that have been this year, or at least of the moments that I could remember. And I'm trying to sort out in my head the things that stood out, the moments that were happy or those that sucked, the ones that taught me a lesson and whatnot.

2008 has been a long and winding road--- just like the song. The travel was not as bumpy as the other years but it's had it's fair share of road blocks and dead ends. This year, my patience was more than tested, and seriously, I'd send it back to the maker if it had a warranty. But then patience has always been a problem of mine, so who am I kidding, right? Dealing with people and difficult circumstances just consume me so much sometimes that I tend to forget that I should cool it and keep my guard down once in a while.

On a lighter note, I've also learned to kick off my shoes and relax a bit. I have tried my best to enjoy all the alone time (and the concerts!!!) that I could get. Brandon Boyd and Stephan Jenkins in the flesh are more than enough to swing my world in a 360 swirl. I had to hold back my guilt on those, otherwise, I wouldn't have enjoyed it.

Some of the dreams and wishes that I have kept my hopes saved for came true, some of the things that happened this year though have been total nightmares that I couldn't get out of. Except for a couple of incidents that I'm still stuck in the rut with, others have come and gone in a smooth sail.

I wish this new year would take me on wilder spin (except for the parts that would rough me up a bit), take it to the next level, why not? There's more to learn from all this, hopefully, at least in my own time, I'd attain something leaning towards wise. Whatever that would be, I have yet to find out.

OK, I'm hungry. I'll stop all the nonsense and stuff my face first.

In My Head: Far Away by Nickelback

A Graveyard for Christmas

2008-12-25T16:38:00.004+08:00

Been searching for this book for some time now but unfortunately, it has been pretty elusive. Some bookstore don't even have it yet. Argh. What I want, I normally get. This time, the Pretty Lunatic wants The Graveyard Book. I want! I waaaaaaaant!

'Tis the Season

2008-12-25T14:49:00.006+08:00

It has arrived and is almost ending. I on the other hand need a quick fix. This month has been happily busy and tiring. I think now all the lack of sleep and rest is taking it's toll. Can't wait for it to end though. I want my new year!

I was in the mall yesterday to do some last minute shopping.I have yet to finish crossing out people on my shopping list. I am so not done yet. One day just isn't enough. You'd be surprised how jam-packed the malls are considering that it was the eve, not to mention the fact that we are crisis stricken. Come over the islands and for sure, you'd have to double guess if we're really affected by the low that has been rocking the planet lately. Madaming pera ang pinoy. Either that or we're all just too happy.

It's definitely the season to be jolly. Why shouldn't we be? This is the month wherein we get our bonuses, see old friends, visit the family and give out and receive gifts. I just love it! I got my yuletide season present early. Finally got that promotion I have been waiting for. It's not much but to be a part of the top 40% of a huge company matters to me. I've got a long way to go though. But I'm not rushing it. Things'll happen when it's all cut out to happen.

Ack. I digress. I'm just happy to see the smiles on these two adorable faces. So, all in all, (except for that quick fix I am so dying to have right now and that book I have been lusting for,) I definitely got all that I wanted.

Merry Christmas, y'all! Cheers!

In My Head: White Horse by Taylor Swift

Poor TV

2008-12-22T04:44:00.003+08:00

I don't understand why news on TV could be so depressing at times. And as if it was just too timely, it would have to be when the happiest holiday of the year is about to take place. It's too superficial how docu shows arrive with discussing poverty, say a family that couldn't afford a decent noche buena. And then they show how impoverished these people are, and how they would help.

They would immerse their reporters, correspondents or whatnots just to show that they are being one with these people and how they are so willing to extend some meantime monetary assistance. It's sickening, that kind of false advertisement. Just like how afternoon shows are, or those reality shows that have sprung about. Why does everyone have to have a sad story? Can't people be on TV and be happy? GAWD.

Grrr. Yun lang.

Bow.

In My Head: Love Lockdown by Kanye West

Zen Shopping

2008-12-08T07:28:00.013+08:00

Shopping is an art.

For two weekends in a row now I have marveled on how Raldie have actually splurged for himself. He's never done that before. Last week after the movie he got himself a new pair of Havs and Vans shoes. Yesterday he got himself 3 shirts and some other things. He wanted another pair of Havs but could not decide on what to get. I've never bought 2 pairs Havs two weeks in a row, I think I have finally outgrown the craze. Good thing the design he really wanted didn't have his size any longer. After all, it is still tsinelas, expensive ones that you could do without.

While strolling along Trinoma yesterday I told him: "I'm glad you're finally giving into shopping. It's an art, you know."

He gives me this look and rolls his eyes. Hehe.

I always cheered in the sidelines whenever I'd see him breeze by the counter to pay for whatever he found. I think he got the bug. He was never a zen shopper. I know men are rarely into things like that but it wouldn't hurt if the disease rubbed on them a little. It could be very advantageous for both sexes to stand united and shopped together 'til we dropped--- with Him paying for Hers, of course.

You would have to be proud to know that I have been clean for two weekends now. Never got myself anything. I was more than content seeing Raldie be me. I don't know why I didn't find anything that I really liked even if I was gonna get it for free.

I might have found what I would really want to get for christmas though.

I found this Vera Wang Bride: The Romanticist Barbie Doll 2008 Gold Label Collection while we were going around Toys R Us to shop for the kids' presents. I felt like a kid in a candy store. I freaking ogled and for a moment there I believe my jaw dropped. I may not be girly but I've always been into Barbies as a kid and I do have a huge collection. I would have to digress though. For one thing, it's more than 10 grand over here. I would have to find a really generous sponsor elsewhere, it's so much cheaper in the States. *evil laugh*

Anyhow, a couple of shopping bags and one-of-the-biggest-shopping-bags-I've-ever-seen later, we decided to head home even if I still wanted to stay. I would have to note that by the time I had the itch to shop around for stuff I wanted, he was begging me not to let him wander off in the stores by himself because he might find something that he would like and splurge some more. Of course I had him wander about, being the evil self that I was. By the nth time he found something he wanted for himself he goes: "Please, stop me!!!"

PRICELESS.

I praised him for being all out on our shopping trip before we went to bed last night. I asked him how he felt. He said: "I feel guilty."

"That's normal." I said. "You'll get used to it!"

This is a once in a blue moon thing that I am sooo gonna take advantage of.

In My Head: Happily Never After by The Pussycat Dolls

FTW Show

2008-12-05T16:13:00.002+08:00

Looks like my true colors have finally resurfaced. After a year of being too careful not to hurt and offend anyone or anything around me, I'm finally back. This time though, I have been tagged with my own show. I'm Peter Griffin's (Family Guy) Filipina counterpart. He had a show called "What Grinds My Gears" in a particular season wherein he picks a particular topic to bash or rant about.

When I start to word vomit my team would say "You are now tuned in to Kait's Fuck the World Show!" in unison. They have also arrived with me having an 'irritation/ pms point person' for the day, say if someone, whoever ticks me off for some or no apparent reason at all.

Mandy is soooo back. Look ma, I'm on TV!

In My Head: Come Here Boy by Imogen Heap

Smoggy Twilight

2008-12-04T10:04:00.004+08:00

How timely that the sky weeps over my depression. Right now I just want to go hysterical and hang myself. I am altogether feeling mad and sad and masochistic and numb and... Not even a chocolate bar could make this ugly state I am in go away, not even an itty-bitty bit. *sigh*

I'm all hunched on the laptop (thank God for wi-fi), hair all crazy, lying on my tummy undecided over O.D. or slashing my wrists. I'm having one helluva "kill me" time. I've been listening to 3eb's Why Can't You Be over and over for the past two hours now. This is my current heartsong for people and reasons that are and aren't. I'll play this 'til my ears bleed and my iPod buds give up on me.

Are you frightened by the weight you possess oh
Is this life just weightlessness
The smoggy twilight in LA
I can't think of one real thing to say
And Robbie Williams is walking in the canyons
Forgets that we were friends
I guess it all depends on your mood
Why can't these meds be any damn good

And she said
Why can't you be
Like my waterpik shower massager
A sweet reliable machine
And to tell the truth I don't feel less alone
A water massager's is the purest love I've ever known
Why can't you be
Like when I was 13

Why can't you be
Like an art house foreign movie
Frank and sexy, red balloons and ennui
And allude to me
And why can't you be
A little more of a mystery

Why can't you be
The part of me that's missing
Instead of leaving me for some other
Said we're perfect for each other
And I know we wont go spend our lives alone.

Why can't you be
Like an outsourced government contract
I'm a fat cat gettin' away with anything
Kicking some secret special powers
Illumination rounds in showers
Cause your tearing your hair out
While we can have a bed of flowers

And I said
Why can't you be
Like the chicks out of the road
Some girls are happy just to see me
Because you got moxie and a broken nose
Take him away from this close
Sometimes a blowjob's not enough
Why can’t you play
A little less rough

Why can't you be
The part of me that's missing
Instead of leaving me for some other
Say we're perfect for each other
And I know we wont go spend our lives alone

Can we... just leave it be
And we can live... our lives... separately
Could you forget... what happens to you
You and me

When we're dead... and you'll be dead
We'll have eternity
And I will spend it all... missing you
Seeing you with me
So while I'm alive... I will always be

Why can't you be
Lookin' a little deeper into me
Like JD Salinger
Why do I challenge her
In all these surface ways
That you displease
Why can't you be
A little more at ease

Why can't you be
Like a hand rolled cigarette
I’m not joking
This masochistic self-pity of smoking
And this city ditty
I keep provoking you to leave me

She said
Why can't you be
Like a candle I can snuff
You’re still a diamond in the rough
And I swear to god I've had enough
How can I call your bluff?

Bite Me!

2008-11-29T21:09:00.005+08:00

Alright, alright! I'll admit it. I've seen the movie and have signed up for the official Edward Cullen Global Groupies Movement. He's just the hottest vampire in the planet right now, I wouldn't be surprised if half of the world dreams about him tonight.

And though I have winced for every giggly-slash-awww moment at the theatre today I have sorta appreciated the movie---( not as much as the non-readers did since everything was just too fast forward) simply because the male protagonist was oozing with bloody sex appeal (it's the oh-so-yummy eyes and lips). I'm happy about the cast they came up with, almost as described in the books, almost as how I have imagined them in my head. Funny that the kid who played Jacob has the striking resemblance of my cousin Nigel.

The theatre was packed with kids, and with kids I mean teenagers and psuedo-teenagers (there were chaperones everywhere!) with so much raging hormones in them. I know this because they all had to stifle their giggles everytime a romantic scene came about.

I'm glad that my movie partners Hanne and Raldie appreciated it, though. Their smiles and silence made me more content even if in truth I have expected more. The shots were so, uhm, raw (?) that it seemed as if it were some indie/ amateur film. But then who am I to be a judge of that, right? I don't even watch much movies. LOL.

Anyhow, I've also found another love, this one I've been searching for in the P.I. for quite some time now. Back in Balto I have craved almost every time for The Rainforest Cafe's grilled chicken quesadillas. Now, I think Taco Bell's version could well compensate for the lack thereof. I'm no foodie so I wouldn't really know where to get better if not the best quesadillas in the islands so do let me know.

I'm overwhelmed by both Memoirs and Twilight right now (not to mention the fact that I have finally found quesadilla heaven) , I couldn't shake the stories (and the food) off my head. I would need to sleep this off. I'm sure the hangover would last a week.

In My Head: Earth to Bella by Incubus

Turning Japanese

2008-11-28T19:10:00.004+08:00

I've got remaining chapters to breeze thru tonight, I know I wouldn't be able to put Memoirs Of A Geisha down. I've never seen the movie, and I'm not sure if I would have the heart to. I'm raving about the book, and I don't know why it took me forever to read it and wasted some of my lazy nights and daily trips to and from work on some lousy paperback when I could've grabbed a copy of this instead.

I've never been as intrigued with Japanese culture as I am now. I've always wanted to go to Japan, always been on the top list of countries to visit. I've always been interested with the aesthetics of the Japanese, but never in my wildest dreams would I be this hooked. I've got a couple of Japanese friends and friends who've been to Japan and I have been asking crazy questions ever since I got a hold of the book. Why this and why that. A how also follows every so and so answer I get. Who would think something that seems so easy (like entertaining) could be so controversial? Move over, Britney Spears.

I still can't believe that Sayuri's all made up. How can something so real be a figment of someone else's brilliant imagination? Arthur Golden winged it. To think that I have always been cynical about bestsellers, thankfully though this one didn't turn out to be a disappointment.

I will never understand the life and ways of a Geisha even if I have read the book (don't get me wrong, it was very well written and very educational but I guess the cultural barrier still remains), as much as I will never understand how Lotus Feet could be so sexually enticing to Chinese men. I'm sure that the book has shed some light on the readers about whatever misconception everyone has on being an entertainer. I myself have developed great respect of these Geisha who had been born and raised the hard way just to be able to attain their title and to uplift their dignity as women in general.

Gawd, the words shamisen, Ichikiri, Hatsumomo are just some of the words that will forever ring in my head for no apparent reason and the curiosity for the Nightingale's poop will forever remain.

Humbug!

2008-11-28T13:45:00.007+08:00

I've started Christmas shopping but I ain't even halfway through. With the number of cousins alone I have ran out of ideas of what to give, not to mention my godchildren (all of them boys) and some other friends. I told myself that I would be cost cutting, that I should really start being practical and getting gifts for those who really mattered and should scratch out cousins who can afford to buy themselves whatever they want for the holidays (I'm speaking of cousins who have jobs. This time presents are only for those who are still in school).

I've found some cute stuff on multiply that I placed orders for, saves me the time to run to the mall and panic-buy. (Etsy.com is a pretty neat site as well, only it's US based so shipping could be a problem.) I noticed though that every time I get someone something, I end up getting one for myself, too which of course, in reality is a bad thing. It's really hard to get something nice for everyone if you're on a tight budget, what more if you get everything times two?! Wish I could just wrap my hugs and kisses in really pretty boxes and give those away as presents instead. Hah!

Wish we had Black Fridays out here just like what they have in the US after Thanksgiving.--- not like we have Thanksgiving either, heh. Imagine driving from one mall to another as early as 6:30 in the morning just to get a good buy--- oh, mall rat heaven!

Not like it matters, but you know, Christmas ain't Christmas without presents to give. And whoever said that it's really the thought that counts junk was actually serious and sober when he said it? Everyone has recycled sucky presents at least once in his/her lifetime. You can't keep and hoard a gazillion photo frames or a truckload of fruitcake. You gotta pass 'em around see, 'til it ends up in the hands of who would really appreciate it. OK, now I'm blabbing.

Damnit, I haven't arrived with my wish list yet. It's not like someone would be thoughtful enough to get me anything, but who knows? Hehe.

In My Head: Never, Never Gonna Give You Up by Lisa Stansfield

Dad's Legacy

2008-11-24T16:00:00.010+08:00

This was my trial shot a week before. For some weird reason I kinda like this shot a lot.

It looks very trippy in a druggie kinda way. It's my mum's dining centerpiece in front of the TV.

Sunday was isanely tiring. I had to play hooky today just because. :D Call time was 9 o'clock in the morning and my mentor Abu arrived just in time. It took us a week to have this photowalk scheduled. I know very little about shutter speed or aperture or whatever other photo jargon photo people like using so bear with me.

I was using my dad's old SQ-A Zenza Bronica, a super better and super heavier version of the Lomos that have sprung about (though I would still want a Diana someday, if only it weren't that expensive to buy film and have it developed).

Here's one of my fave shots of Mum...

and Raldie

We went to the Fort (Serendra and Bonifacio High Street) for test shots. It is kinda hard to focus so I surely have to work harder on that one. I lost my glasses Friday night that I had to squint like hell just to get the focusing right... See? I had an excuse. Hah! Made me realize that the pros aren't much of pros if they haven't experienced focusing their cam lenses manually. Those digital ones are such a cheat considering that they've got auto-focus feats and whatnot.

and a self- portrait inside the Nike store.

Wish my dad were around to teach me though, it's weird enough that my mentor is younger than I am, and that I could bully him around if I willed (Camera's too heavy, carry it for me, please!). Joke. :P I'm sure I'd be more serious with the entire ordeal if my dad bossed me around instead. Haha!

I'm no expert and I'm certain that I've got a lot to learn. I'm just glad that for now I have the luxury to do all this to keep me sane once in while. I do hope that this would be a hobby that would stick somehow. It's more of my dad's legacy that I'm carrying in my hands now.

In My Head: Pocket Full of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield

The Breakfast Club

2008-11-23T00:32:00.004+08:00

Geek, Princess, Jock, Criminal, Basket Case--- hmmm...

Raldie and I caught The Breakfast Club on TV the other night and we were glued despite the crazy 80's clothing. I've never seen the film in full, I bet I barely had a full set of teeth when the film was shown back in 1984. All I know that this movie made it big just like The Bratpack and St. Elmo's Fire. Teen flicks on teenage angst and whatnots. That's what they probably call emo back in the day.

It's interesting seeing the different cliques that actually thrive in high school. Back then I've never really had the time of day to observe what I was and what the people around me were. Good company is enough regardless. An hour into the movie though, questions in my head started to pop out of nowhere--- Was I this pathetic, or weird, or cool, or radical back then?

Cultures always vary and over here in the islands I could clearly say that stereotyping isn't much of an issue compared to what has been going on in the schools of the US. But then, over here most went to private Catholic schools clad in uniforms so it's really hard to distinguish goth from say, slut or geek or vampire (OK, where did that come from? Oh, right, it's almost Twilight week!) Of course, you can't easily judge people by what they wear alone but it's easier to tell that way.

I've got a lot of friends in HS but I don't remember distinguishing one from the other. Everyone has their pathetic moment and I bet my ass, that it is in HS when every pathetic moment flourishes. It is the time in our lives that we have thought of ourselves as cool, almost- adult creatures that could decide on our own. This is the time where we either wanted to get laid, or smoke, get high and wasted simply because of that juvenile notion that it was cool to do adult stuff that we were mostly forbidden to do to begin with.

After the movie I asked Raldie which subculture he belonged to. He said he was a mix of the geek and the jock cause he did go to a a geeky school and maintained being in the swim team 'til college.

I on the other hand still couldn't figure out where I should be tagged with as we speak. I was an average student who liked extra- curricular activities, was always the class secretary, was always a part of the cheer dance squad, not as anti-social but picked who I should be friends with but had a lot of friends nonetheless. It's really hard to classify what I was back then. All I know is that I fitted in.

It's funny though what happens after HS and college. On how people totally change say, from being a total geek to an ultimate slut, or from being totally straight then being a full blown fag. That sorta thing. No one would be ever comfortable with change but I've kept my friends from way back til now regardless. We all still get to see each other once in a while, and still have that constant bond even if we have time and distance as a barrier. Whatever happened then or what's going now doesn't really matter... Until they get real annoying that I'd have to ignore them, that is. Very rare but it happens. LOL.

Anyhow, after all this, there's only one thing I don't understand. Why'd they (the cast of the film) call themselves "The Breakfast Club" again? Now that's a different entry altogether.

In My Head: Brigther Than Sunshine by Aqualung

Chairman of the Bored

2008-11-22T15:41:00.005+08:00

I want one of these. Found this maquette online yesterday and it just speaks to me. Hah! I was searching for Emily the Strange shoes and an image of this pulled up. Mom's side of the family dubbed me Chairman of the Bored ages ago and I so can relate. Aside from the fact that I adore Emily the Strange, this baby is a limited edition 6 inch statuette. They've got only 1300 of these all over. It's out of stock in Amazon.com and so far only seeing it available in Japan and the UK. Thing is, I would at least need 100 euros or 19000 yen to have one and that doesn't even include shipping. From another blog I've read, this one could also be found at a shop called "Things from Another World" at the Universal City Walk. I don't think I even remember seeing that particular store when I was there back in the day.

Now, it's either this or a cool pair of size 6 Emily the Strange sneakers. Emily soooo tops my Christmas wish list this year.

In My Head: Dance Dance by Fall Out Boy

Hole In One

2008-11-09T14:17:00.005+08:00

I've got another hole on me, literally.

Wednesday, during lunch my girlfriends from work and I decided to have a little fun. On a whim, and more of Ida's coaxing we ended up walking around Market Market searching for a jewelry shop that catered to ear piercing. I've been wanting a piercing still after that horrific experience I had back in 6th grade (my cousin pierced my right ear with a needle with the help of an ice cube to make it numb) even if I am aware that sooner or later I'd get tired of it.

We were specific with what we wanted: a pierce right through the ear cartilage. Rumor has it that it hurts to have that particular part of the ear pierced. But with all the physical pain I've gone through in the past, I didn't think poking with a little stud gun would even hurt.

Around we went, only to find one that allowed cartilage piercing out of say, 7 stores. The lady who ran the shop that we found said that most jewelry shops stopped that particular kind or piercing since people came back complaining about complications and whatnots. Now that thought kinda freaked me out for a bit knowing that the shop we found was no different from the others anyway and that one stupid move could possibly kill me (OK, so I am over-reacting a little bit!).

Since everyone was in it anyway, and that there's always strength in numbers we gave it a doubtful go. I picked a real dainty pearl stud same as Ida, while Carla picked a silver cross stud. Trish had this all documented thru her cellphone while Dennis, the only fairy among the roses walked out on us to play Tekken at the near-by arcade station.

I went last since everyone wanted to go first to have it done with. Amazingly, it didn't hurt just like Trish predicted. It just stung a little we had that faint buzzing sound in our ears that went on for a while.

It seemed more of a friendship piercing thing since Ida was leaving the office real soon and Carla has been considering the same thing. I know, very highschool! But the realization arrived only after we've done it.

My right ear's all beaten up since it always gets the piercing so maybe next time, I'll have another one on my left, hopefully if I don't outgrow the idea of it being "cool". I'm not getting any younger you know, and I don't think it would be nice to be adorned with studs when I'm 40.

In My Head: Coffee and TV by Blur

Pay It Forward

2008-11-06T04:34:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was a roller coaster ride. I still feel woozy as we speak and I haven't figured out why. I've always liked roller coasters and I've never been afraid of heights but I've never felt as dizzy as I was yesterday.

I was coursing my way thru the LRT I, and a few moments before heading home I already felt funny. I knew it was the mango tart/cake we had during last break that had caused that weird feeling, just like how the chocolate cake we had the week before made my head ache so bad. I'm stuck with the rush hour now since DST has kicked in and as you would guess, the LRT could be as packed as a can of sardines even before it gets to the third station, not to mention that yesterday was Baclaran day so almost everyone was on it.

As I got to Vito Cruz I could barely breathe and I was sweating bullets inside the cold coach. I knew I had to think before I passed out. Had to decide if I should stick it out 'til I get to my destination or get off to have a a breath of fresh air. By the time I was on my way to Quirino Avenue I felt everything dimming and I knew I wasn't going to last so I padded my way out of the pool of people to get to the door. Honestly I felt like I was in the movies, you know, how the camera projects that that character is dizzy and everything around him/her gets all fuzzy and dim? That kind of crap. I was seeing things, and I knew that my knees were gonna give up on me if I stood there and waited.

So I got off Quirino and sat on the closest thing I could sit on which turned out to be the ledge the security guards use to check the platforms out. Inhale, exhale, Inhale, exhale. I made Slow but heavy breathings as my mind raced. Don't panic, I told myself.

I asked the guard if there was a special train on it's way since all I needed was to sit down. I knew I wasn't gonna make it standing till the end of the line. He said he wasn't sure and some other things that all sounded more of a slur. I told him that I was feeling really dizzy. The kind man was nice enough to ask if I was hungry and if I had anything on me that would ease my dizziness. "Ma'am, may White Flower ba kayo?" Obviously not. So he walked away and returned with ball of cotton with what I think was White Flower on it. Definitely a relief. And as I waited some trains had passed while the guard instructed me on what to do incase I felt that I couldn't make it.

There was this lady right beside me, another passenger waiting for the next train to arrive. She looked pretty concerned and even asked if I would be ok before she alighted the train. I gave her weak smile not to avoid whatever delay all this dizzy episode might cause anyone.

Although I figured that it would be protocol for the guards to look after their passengers I still feel grateful to have been assisted by that particular LRT employee. I tried to check his ID for his name for some sort of commendation later but I couldn't see clearly. When an empty train arrived he escorted me to the special lane and left some instructions with the security guard on board.

I sniffed the ball of cotton like a drug addict 'til I got to where I was supposed to go. I didn't want to push my luck so I called Raldie and asked him to pick me up. I was asleep most of the way home and had to be escorted to our room like old ladies were.

I've never been so helpless in all my years of daily commute. It scares me to think about what could happen if I did pass out. But then it comforts me to know that there are still nice people around who are capable of showing some sort of concern towards strangers. I've always been the apathetic type but now I know better than to turn a blind eye on someone in need. Pay it forward, I say!

And after this short, sorta presidential inspirational speech I should be getting ready for work. Really, I should drop by a drugstore to get a bottle of White Flower, I'll never know if I or someone else might be needing it.

In My Head: Rehab by Rihanna

Got Goth?

2008-10-26T17:32:00.005+08:00

Goth week is finally over. After having so much exception time for props and spending for costumes, things paid off for me and my team. We did a lot of Google-ing just to figure out what would be best to wear and all that. We had to buy black nail polish, black and purple lipstick just to get into the groove of things. We even made most of our accessories. I together with a team mate that dressed as the Joker won best costume. Who'd have thought I'd look good looking dead?

Some friends say I actually think goth, and that my thoughts are darker than what they'd expect of me. I don't mind at all being thought of that way since I've always found interest on the goth subculture. I just don't think it would be as cool to dress the way they do over here in the islands. Imagine leather under the scorching sun. Hah!

So I figured I'd come as goth looking courtesan minus the cleavage which I would love to have if only fate were kinder. LOL. Over the research, I've stumbled upon goth weddings which I so envy. Maybe I do want a wedding, just not the ordinary, always-what-you-see type of wedding. Hopefully though,I arrive with something that the Catholic church would allow (No inverted crosses or skulls on the invites, that's for sure!) I just love the dark, medieval/ victorian- like style of clothing, so sensual and well--- different.

I saw this cake online while doing some research and now I am lusting for a wedding. This is just perfect, with all my favorite colors in it. I told my sister I wanted the exact fondant cake for my wedding (or my birthday next year if she could do it). I want, I want, I waaaaaant!!!

Maybe next year or some years from now, I'd actually make up and mind and tie the knot all over again--- in a sexy black corset and fishnet stockings, that is. *evil laugh*

In My Head: Down With the Sickness by Disturbed

Boyce, Boyce!

2008-10-25T18:47:00.003+08:00

I've heard almost all of their remakes (downloaded them, too) and I'm more than convinced that these boys have talent. Even the ugliest of songs, i.e., Rihanna's Disturbia turned into a masterpiece. I like the song a lot now, just enough to make me watching Chris Brown and her concert next month. Finally, a song of hers that I could sing. Haha.

Here's Boyce Avenue's version of Coldplay's Viva la Vida. My jaws practically dropped when I saw the vid. Even Raldie thinks they're great. I've fallen in love with the voice and the music, perfect to serenade you on your iPod all night. This particular piece though, bags it. Though Raldie says that it's normal for musicians to multi-task, it's a perfect showcase of talent. Not sure if these guys started as Youtube prodigy but it's all worth it.

In My Head: Viva la Vida by Boyce Avenue

This just sucks.

2008-10-12T13:26:00.008+08:00

Talk about writer's block. That and the lack of daily activity just kills blogging, doesn't it? Ugh. I just don't know what to put down here. I would like to rant about some petty things but then that would just allow my crazy hormones to get the best of me. Not today. Tomorrow maybe. Heh.

I also found that two other blogs have the same title as mine. Now I regret changing my url because of that. Funny though cause judging from their entry histories I definitely came up with the title first. Now the idea of sharing blog titles just kills me. For a moment I wanted to just close this one all together and start a new one. But then, I've gone this far and would have to sleep on it. I don't even know who reads this (not even sure if there are any) and some of my entries just SUCK big time but I don't have the heart to close it down.

Anywho, got this pm from another multiply subscriber yesterday. Said he got a hold of that zine I contributed for and got to read my story. It was kinda flattering considering that a stranger went out of his way to let me know what he thought of what I wrote not to mention trying to find me. Of course, there's a hint of creepiness somewhere there but yeah, I'm fine with that. Compliments are always good regardless.

Saw some clips of Twilight on Youtube. Not really a fan but I think the movie got the important parts covered so it looks kinda promising. I'm not exactly raving about the book per se since I thought that it was too juvenile for my taste (either that or I'm just probably getting old) but the movie could possibly turn everything around. I'll watch it and give it a chance.

OK, enough of the torture. I'll stop now. This entry is going nowhere. I'll check on my brain again later, better try doing some cartwheels and back flips. That might help.

In My Head: That's What You Get by Paramore

TV Affair

2008-09-28T00:11:00.007+08:00

I've put my book affairs aside and and focused on some eye candy. Been soaked on DVD marathons lately and have been falling in love with the male protagonists. I know, I could be such a nerd at times. But I can't help it. Seeley Booth (David Boreanaz) of Bones and Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) of How I Met Your Mother are my current loves. They're not even exactly my type but hey.

They've got three things in common. One, they've got silly, geeky names; two, they're both sensitive and three, they're both all out charming--- melts me, melts me, melts me!!!

Seeley had me with his "cocky" belt, oddly colored socks and the bod, of course!

Ted... Well, he's just Ted. LOL. You gotta watch the show to find out.

Ack, I'm living my fantasies out of sitcoms and crime/suspense shows. Can't help it. 9 to 11 episodes into the marathon you're more than hooked and finding favorites. I was fond of House for a while even if he was such an ass--- and definitely not my type so go figure.

In My Head: Feedback by Janet Jackson

Vintage Fear

2008-09-22T14:34:00.003+08:00

I was bothered by Coraline--- not scared, just really bothered. This time though, I'm ready for the nightmares. Ready to scare the hell out of the kid in me.

In My Head: Viva La Vida by Coldplay

Be Careful What You Wish For

2008-09-21T15:23:00.002+08:00

I think I wished too hard on this one.

Problem is, when you do get what you want, you realize that you don't really want it. Not for anything. It's just sometimes, people change minds. Me? I like chasing rainbows. I've lived a life where I got almost everything I wanted, and this time, I think I want otherwise.

It's nice to dream... and dream some more. You know, that feeling when you dream and wish for something so much it hurts? Just getting something that you always dreamed of in an untimely manner spoils everything sometimes. Cause you just want to keep dreaming--- because it feels so much better in your comfort zone.

I just got something that I've been waiting for for a year now. And now that I did get it, I realized that I don't really want it. Not now at least cause I'm not ready. Because I don't like butterflies in my stomach as much. Because lunch suddenly tasted bland. It feels weird, and I just don't like it.

Ali was right when he said I should be careful with what I wish for cause I just might get it. I know, I am fickle. Excuse me for being a girl.

In My Head: Headlock by Imogen Heap

Salad Days

2008-09-20T14:36:00.004+08:00

Got in touch with Jeff, a former org mate from college. It's been forever since I've spoken to him. He was an upper class man and VP of Societe et Cultura. I was forever their slave secretary, He and the President, Miggy. Gawd, I feel old.

Miggy messaged me thru Multiply the other night saying that Jeff was asking for my number. He called me yesterday and was inviting me to his wedding in November. I was touched by the gesture. I mean, Jeff and I, we were kinda close then. He'd call me for personal and school related stuff. Guess that's where we bonded. We worked our asses up for SeC like crazy. Late nights at school, weekend trainings and seminars. It was hell, and they were big bullies, those boys--- cause I was a frosh then, innocent and ignorant.

Our reign was a success. It was fun being an officer for year 'til I had to resign cause they were graduating and I was next in line. I didn't want to take the position since I applied as a writer for the school paper. It was sad leaving the boys behind but I'm sure they'd do fine without me.

We lost touch after college so hearing from him was a surprise. Who would have thought he'd even bother looking for me after all these years just to invite me to his special day? It was funny how he reacted when he found out that I have settled down. He goes: "But you're too young!" Well, he probably had his memory of me set ages ago. "I'm not young, Jeff! I'm 26!"

Everyone's settling down. Makes me feel older than I used to be. Most of the people in my circle are either engaged or married with kids. And as I drift...

I hope I do find time for this event. Will be seeing old faces. Can't wait!

In My Head: Forty Mile Town by Eric Johnson

Map To Nowhere

2008-09-18T23:47:00.002+08:00

Got out of deep slumber a couple of hours ago. Went online to check mail, download some songs, catch whoever was online, upload those way overdue concert vids and write. Like always, Hanne and I found ourselves an agenda to discuss. It's usual for our talks to start shallow--- and I mean shallow. It has always been like that, don't ask me why, it just is.

Out of nowhere she tells me to come to her office to have breakfast. Problem is, I don't know how to get there. So she starts changing her IM environment to draw a map. Now that thing up there, was the second map since I accidentally erased the first one. LOL. She starts by drawing a map from Philcoa, it's the closest place that I'm familiar with, then starts going over a gazillion landmarks that would lead me to Commonwealth. While she scribbles away and gives off directions, I doodle. (The unnecessary things on the map are drawn by yours truly.)

After she tops everything with a boat, and figure that there is no way I am traveling at this time of day, we change subjects and bother about our lives in general. About how many children she wants to have if she should have any in the near future. We worry about our careers and daily struggles. We talk about death and our beliefs that have probably gone astray somewhere.

I figured that sometimes no matter how we try to plot what we want out of life, we get lost and sometimes find ourselves stuck, if not drowning. That people can't really have everything they want no matter how great they try to live their lives. That people will forever try to mask their jadedness and say that they're OK even when they're not.

But these things we talk about, the things that suck, are the things that keep me grounded. Shows me what I should be thankful for. That life isn't as bad after all. That there's always a reason to try even if you're certain that it's a dead end. I told her I know where I'm going when I die, if we actually go somewhere when were dead. I don't believe that we do though. It's back to square one when we die and that's nowhere.

In My Head: Scattered by Third Eye Blind

Cheat

2008-09-13T11:44:00.004+08:00

Ever heard of emotional cheating? I haven't, not 'til yesterday that is.

A friend of mine defined emotional cheating as having an open and mutual feeling/ mutual interest between two people while being committed with someone else. I don't know if I did justice defining it but it has something to do with being emotionally involved (and it doesn't really have to be love, she said, mostly a connection with the opposite sex that you don't have with your partner) with someone without the commitment.

Now if this rule applies to everyone in a relationship, then I've broken this rule more than a million times I would assume. I don't know it's limitations but hearing hearing her side made me think.

I have a lot of guy friends who had turned into bestfriends in time after I've made them realize that I'm just not the one for them. They've turned into shrinks when I need the male opinion. And they know my inner thoughts at times. And this is minus the attraction. There will always be a connection somewhere simply cause there is a relationship, in that case though nothing close to love. Now does this even border cheating?

It just amuses me that the idea exists. People come up with the craziest things.

In My Head: Forget Me by Li'l Bit

Third Eye Blind Live in Manila

2008-09-06T21:24:00.011+08:00

I can't believe I'm still alive, thought I've died and gone to rock heaven last night.

Cel and I arrived in Ortigas early, she being gracious enough to leave her workload behind so we could get good seats. We parked close to the venue and headed for the VIP tent where food was served. They had rib steaks and hotdogs--- the ribs were good, the hotdogs, I had Cel eat. The VIP tent wasn't crowded yet but was already overflowing with booze. We got to taste the San Miguel Oktoberfest special edition beer (beer they say they only brew specifically for Oktoberfests) which to me tasted like... Umm, beer. LOL. I mean, I don't drink beer so I wouldn't really know what the diff would be.

The night was young and we found ourselves in a crazy maze since none of the staff nor the bouncers knew where the VIP area was since 3 if not 4 stages where set up in between the long bar stretch. We gave it a shot and guessed. Picked the biggest stage. We were right in front of the railings quite certain we got out money's worth.

There were five bands (Overtone, Driven by Cars, Rivermaya, The Bloomfields and an unheard of funk hiphop band) that played before 3eb did, not to mention the games, dance numbers and fireworks display in between. Each band had a set of 7 songs at the least so you could just imagine how impatient people got after Rivermaya's performance. Even before the last band played the remaining songs on their set the crowd was shouting to have 3eb play already. It was getting late and the evening was hotter than hell. Everyone was all sweaty and tired, we've waited long enough--- and I mean, 6 hours long! And if you weren't a big fan, it would've been unbearable.

The VIP area wasn't as VIP as we thought though. At first the few band performances were exclusive to us, our side covered with tarps. Those who paid for gen ad tore down what was covering their view when Rivermaya came in. The concert staff didn't even bother putting the tarps back since the crowd was going crazy. The VIPs had to share what they paid for which is usually the case.

Finally after a terrible dance number from a group of supposedly "sexy girls" 3eb was on (exactly at 12 midnight)! Their opening song? Losing A Whole Year. I'm like, damn! So close yet so far away. Lee Moretti, female bassist, took Arion Salazar's place and she rocked!

Other songs they sang:

Narcolepsy
Semi- Charmed Life
Never Let You Go
Wounded
Graduate
How's It Going to Be
Bonfire (I think I was the only crowd member who knew this song. It's unreleased, so go figure! As Ali would put, panis sila sakin)
Motorcycle Drive By
Danger
Deep Inside Of You
Don't Believe A Word
Jumper (Tony Fredianelli gave a great guitar performance on this one!)
God Of Wine (They came back up the stage after people started shouting for more.)
Bonfire ( short acoustic)

I liked the idea of Stephan Jenkins speaking to the crowd. And how he splashed us with the water he was drinking once in a while. He said that they shouldn't have waited this long to come to Manila and that the Philippines was close to him since he's got Filipino relatives back in California. He also promised that they would be back for another concert after their upcoming album is released this December. People went wild over that one!

They played for a good hour and a half and everyone was pleased. Brad Hargreaves threw his drumsticks at the crowd after SJ's final, a short acoustic version of Bonfire. Brad threw his other stick our way but I didn't even bother, I figured the big guys by my side would've crushed me if I scampered over the sticks like they did. I even saw a college friend and an old colleague at the concert. My college friend Khalil even told me that he was certain that I was attending the concert. He knew I was a huge fan.

Almost everyone left after 3eb played considering that there were other bands lined up. I'm sure the crowd had more than enough. Besides, I think Spongecola was the next performing band and I'm pretty sure those who paid VIP were not as crazy over the idea.

I got home at around 2:30 am, drunken and made happy by the music of Third Eye Blind.

I can die now.

In My Head: Darwin by Third Eye Blind